The Boxes We Are Put In

Chapter 29

Rewind...

A few months back

I sat up.

My head hurt.

For a second, I was not sure where I was. I stood up and stumbled. I was probably not totally sober yet.

I tried to find a bathroom in the house.

Found one and went to pee.

On checking my reflection, I saw that there was red glitter smeared on my right cheek. My hair was messed up and my mascara was running.

I still felt dizzy. I tried to wipe away the glitter in vain. Rubbed the spot absentmindedly. Nothing happened.

I walked back into the room.

Zahara was on the floor smoking up. "Can you pass me the ashtray, sweety," she asked me. I looked around the room. "That broken mug," She indicated the white mug on the table. I passed the mug to her. She dropped the ash from her joint to the mug.

"Did you see Darshan?" I asked Zahara.

"The guys went out to get food. Probably there...."

"What's the time?"

"Eight probably,"

"Shit...." I clutched my head and sat down on the bed. "I have to be at the office at nine."

I will get fired at this rate.

"Take it easy, babe," Zahara crooned, "there is no use in living life so hard... In the end, we all just die and become fucking maggot food." She stretched her hands, with her top riding up. She had a flower branch tattoo on her side. It was rather sexy. It reminded me of Darshan's tattoo. "Focus on happiness...." Zahara mumbled. Zahara was Darshan's friend. We had a party last night at her house.

I got rather drunk last night. Without really intending to. The guys played a drinking game and.... Now that I was slightly sober, I vaguely remembered seeing some messages from Nikhil yesterday on my mobile. I had laughed saying I am hallucinating things.

But now I searched for my mobile and found it. I checked my messages. There were three messages.

Nikhil: I am back in Blor. And I am leaving in a couple of days. Got transfer. I am going back permanently

Nikhil: Do you want to meet once before I leave? For a proper goodbye...

Nikhil: Nevermind. This is good enough. Actually, this is better. Wish you all the happiness in life. Take care....

And everything began to go piercingly cold. Too cold. I sat back down on the bed.

"You okay, babe?" Zahara asked.

"My head hurts..." I complained.

"Do you want a smoke..." she held out her weed joint to me. I took it from her hand and put to my lips and sucked in the smoke that drowns everything....

It happened this way...

After that day, after Nikhil left, all that remained I me was rage. This unexplainable anger. Not just at him, not just at myself, but it was directed towards everything and anything. We find our coping mechanisms. And anger was one. And it just made sense.

Some days were better than the others, where I can get busy with office work, laugh with housemates as if nothing is wrong. But still, everything was already in shambles inside.