The Boxes We Are Put In

Chapter 31

It was decided that we would be married at Guruvayoor Temple in a month's time. That temple hosted hundreds of marriages each day and required little preparation. Meanwhile, I stayed in the guest bedroom at Appu's house. It was busy days. He had to convince his unsure parents each day why this is how things should be. And I had to pretend that I was okay, not addicted, not depressed, not a mess. And he had to help cover for me.

One month passed by quickly.

We travelled from Trivandrum to Guruvayoor in a hired SUV. Stayed at a hotel. I had to wear a saree for the wedding. It was my first time wearing a saree. The makeup lady said I looked nice. She put all sorts of things on my face and told me not to smudge them.

Only when I looked myself in the mirror did I realise that this was actually happening. I was getting married to Nikhil.

Just a few minutes before we left Amma (Nikhil's) and the makeup lady left me alone in the room to go receive some guests. A few close relatives and friends of Nikhil were invited. For the rest, we had a reception party back in Trivandrum tomorrow.

I was still taking in myself in the saree when there was a knock on the closed door. "Arya..." Nikhil whispered from outside.

I went to the door. "What are you doing here? It's inauspicious for you to see me before the ceremony."

"Yeah, right..." He said, ignoring it. "Listen, I need to tell you something. Oh, this will be a whole lot easier if I could see your face."

I opened the door and he stumbled in as if he was pressed to the door before. He was quite startled. "I did not do anything," He panted.

"I know. I opened the door." I said, "what's up?"

But he was now looking at me, a bit dazed, a bit happy. I felt self-conscious. "Stop looking," I said. He was also looking nice, in a mundu and white shirt.

Suddenly, he just hugged me. "Appu, you will smudge my makeup and wrinkle my saree. What the hell are you doing?" I asked, trying to push him off. "Just-"

"I love you." He blurted out. "I really really really really love you. I will love you till my last breath..." I stopped struggling. "Eh... I think I have not told you this enough time lately," He mumbled a bit embarrassed, "that's why. Eh... I love you." He concluded.

I love you too.

I said inside me a thousand times. But with my lips... they did not come out. Did I even deserve him? Such a good guy and sincere love...after being such a mess that I am... Did I even deserve him?

Suddenly there were tears. Nikhil pulled back a bit and looked at me. "What's wrong?" He asked panicked. I shook my head and tried to wipe my tears. But the tears would not stop. "

"Hey, your eye kajal thing is running. Stop crying." He panicked stepping back. "What is wrong?"

"Nothing," I said, wiping off my final tears.

"I did not even say what I came to say..." Nikhil said as if to distract me. "I first thought I would not say, but then I was like it would be a disaster if they turn up and you freak out and run away from the marriage mandapam."

"What? Who turns up?"

He looks guilty... "Your parents. I... I called and told your mother about the wedding yesterday."

"You did what?"

I was very clear about just one thing from the beginning. I did not want my parents or relatives at the wedding. I did not want them in my life anymore. I requested to Nikhil's parents so earnestly. They were not comfortable with it. They were the ones who had to answer the relatives' questions. When the bride's side of the family is not there, people will ask. Amma and Papa were like we at least have to invite your mother. But I was adamant.