The Boxes We Are Put In

Chapter 28

Life is a bitch. Life goes on. Even if someone fucking dies, life goes on. Even if someone is not there anymore.... You don't have a choice, life fucking goes on.

I stood staring at Soumya's dead body. Cold dead body....

Adi was a mess. His hand was broken and in a sling. He was discharged from the hospital. And he sat at a corner in the funeral. Asif and I had to stay by him. He kept shedding silent tears. He refused to speak. I did not know what to do.

There were a lot of people from college. Some girls were brawling. A lot of people wanted to know how and when and why. Sharan tried to give them answers. What everyone wanted to know from me was 'isn't Arya here'. And I had to pretend that it was totally normal for Arya not to be present. It was especially difficult to make Asif, Sharan understand that she would not be coming at all.

"But she is her friend," Asif hissed to me. I stayed silent. He did not have to remind me "I always knew that she is heartless, but this much..." Asif asked.

"Do you need anything?" I asked Adi. He ignored me. "You need to eat food. You need to take medicines." He has antibiotics and painkillers for his injuries. But Adi just shook his head. I could understand... Medicines may seem like the least important thing for him right now.

When they took Soumya's body to cremate, Adi followed her family. I followed him to make sure he was okay. It was my first time at a crematorium. The smell of burning bodies was awful. It made death seem so visceral...and real. This was my closest encounter with death in my entire life.

Then I began to wonder how it must have been for Arya... I have never bothered to think about or ask her about the details. Arjun hung himself. Did she...happen to see his hung body? Was she present when they took him down and placed him down... How horrible it may have been to see her brother, who was alive a few hours before in that state – cold, immobile... I felt like I have always disregarded her pain and trauma. This is not something you can just unsee.

Adi broke into tears again and began to stagger, I caught him before he fell. Soumya's father gave him a judging look. I tried to lead Adi outside. The accident happened on their way back from the dinner date. Adi was driving too fast. A truck came unexpectedly, trying to avoid it, Adi skidded and collided with a car.

Soumya's parents were angry, but they did not blame him more than required. They were logical enough to understand that it was an accident. And that Soumya did not wear a helmet, making her vulnerable. But these did not help Adi though. He was broken...

He sat at the steps of the crematorium and broke into tears. I put my hand around him, tried to console him. I knew that all I could do for him right then was to be there for him.

The next day, I tried to get my leave extended. I sent an email asking for an extension of a week. I could not leave Adi alone in this state. His parents were with him, but I wanted to stay. Also, I could not deny that a part of me wanted to stay because to avoid whatever was there in Bangalore.

"How can Arya not even call?" Sharan asked me, and in general the next evening. We were sitting around Adi's bed. He was not eating. We had barely made him eat a bit of kanji. "I mean, how could a person possibly..."

I don't want to talk about this... I looked away. I did not appreciate much of Arya bashing. I hated it... I hated whenever the guys questioned this 'abnormal' side of Arya, the one who did not like to engage in social obligations. I wish she was more 'normal',....