The Boxes We Are Put In

Chapter 32

People. Too many people looking at me. And I was locked in a cage. No, it was a zoo. And people were staring at me, at my scars, at my naked body as they stare at animals in a zoo. Talking, laughing, loudly laughing. Whispering....

And I opened my eyes. It was obviously a dream. But I was locked in all right. Nikhil's arm lay pulling me close to his body. He has developed some muscles during the time we were apart. The grip was light enough but firm. I felt trapped. And I was naked. I looked around and it was morning already. I felt awfully self-conscious about being naked. Especially because of that dream. I felt uneasy. I tried to pull free. It woke him. That made me jump for the blanket to cover myself.

"What's the time?" His voice came out huskily.

"I don't know. But it's morning."

"Do you mind if I sleep a little longer?" And he rolled off back to sleep.

By the time I got dressed and walked downstairs it was 8 am. Some of the close relatives had stayed over at the house after last night's trip for the reception today. At the kitchen making, dosa was Nikhil's ammayi/aunty. I walked in. Amma was in there as well. They were talking. About me, it seems.

"Well, she had a brother. The poor boy killed himself...." Amma was telling the aunty. I did not particularly like Arjun being discussed, but whatever.

"Oh, what for...."

And amma went silent. And I felt bad. Because I felt amma did not want to say the reason involving him being a homosexual part. Somehow that hurt and I felt a bit annoyed.

"Just.... Stuff." Amma said.

"Is she like that too?" Aunty suddenly asked. "I wanted to ask since yesterday. But what are those marks on the new bride's hand? Like knife cuts...."

I hid my left hand behind my back at once. The scars were fading, but still visible. I had not cut in a month.

I saw that Amma was put in a tight spot. She was struggling to come up with something. To save her, I walked in.

"Oh, mole..." Amma jumped up. "Do you want tea?"

"Yes," I mumbled. "I will make..."

I joined aunty at the gas stove to make tea. I could see her eyes on my hand. I tried to stay calm. "You know..." Aunty said casually, "in our times the new bride needed to wake up much earlier than this." I looked at her. "But I know your generation," she added with a laugh, "it's okay...."

I woke up almost at 10 when Arya walked back into the room and started searching through her stuff. Her stuff had been put into suitcases in a haste and transferred from the guest room to my room. Everything inside was in a jumble. She searched looking frustrated and angry.

I got up. "What's wrong?" I asked.

At last, Arya found what she was looking for - a light brown liquid thing. She sat at the dressing table and dabbed the liquid over her scars. "People keep staring at it." She said. She rubbed the liquid, I think it's called a foundation, over her scars making them less visible. But now they looked funny with the patch of a shade lighter paste over them. Frustrated Arya gave up.

"They will all leave tomorrow...." I sat down beside her. She stayed silent. But she looked so pretty today morning in a baby pink churidar. I was reminded of our last night. So I put my arms around her and buried my head in her lap.