my brothers girlfriend

dinner

EIGHT - JENNIE

When Kai told me that his family had made dinner reservations as an acknowledgement of Lisa finishing her exams, I felt ambushed. I gave as many excuses as I could think of, which didn't happen to be many, but Kai was insistent that I come, and that if I didn't, his parents would wonder why.

Which would have been better than coming face to face with Lisa, but I couldn't avoid her forever. Sooner or later, we would have to see each other for longer than just passing each other in her house whilst I was on my way to Kai's room.

I wasn't quite over her though. I still thought about her. I still fantasised. I still wondered. I wasn't sure I would have the will to turn her away, especially after I had been quietly yearning for her for weeks.

It was getting better though. It was easy to forget Lisa when I was with Kai now, and her touch was becoming harder to remember which aided in not thinking about her whenever he kissed me. It was just when I was alone, in the mornings and in the evenings, that my thoughts would unwittingly drift to her and I would allow myself a few moments of living in my head.

By now, she was like a dream. One that was hard to reach and it had to remain that way or my reality would come crashing down. But at dinner, she would be at arm's length. Of course her parents and Kai would be there, but I doubt it would matter much. We shared a history now. No matter how fleeting it was, it was still deeply significant when I would be at the table as her brother's date and no one but us knew the truth.

The night would go one of two ways, I imagine. We exchange brief pleasantries and ultimately ignore each other's presence, as well as whatever was unspoken between us. Or, something would happen. I don't know what or how, but it's largely possible that something may happen between us.

The anticipation was bubbling in the ocean of dread in my stomach. A deep anxiety that would hang over me until the night was over and I could breathe freely again.

The night before, I message her. I had thought it through and I needed to have some indication of where her head was at. For all I know, she could have completely forgotten about me and moved on. Or, she could hate me. I hoped she didn't hate me, but I also didn't want her to forget about me.

I keep it simple and friendly. Or maybe it's formal.

me- I look forward to seeing you tomorrow night.

After I've sent it and read it again, I decide it is too formal, but I couldn't change it now. No reply comes through, and after five minutes I find myself on the conversation again. That's when my stomach drops.

Read.

She had seen it and ignored it. I wasn't sure what that meant. It gave me no indications and only made me feel worse.

Huffing and tossing the phone to the side, I decide a shower would help me feel better. It doesn't.

I turn in early, but sleep doesn't come. I know it's because the faster I fall asleep, the faster tomorrow would come around, and I would be that much closer to seeing her. It was inevitable, but my body doesn't seem to understand that as it doesn't allow me to drift off.

In the evening I find myself trying on several different outfits and none of them seem to be good enough. There's a flash of red in the wardrobe and I pull it out, not recognising it until I realise it was the one Lisa picked out. I quickly put it back and settle on something else.

Kai picks me up from my house and when I barely say a word on the way there, he turns to me in concern.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I try to flash a reassuring smile at him, but he doesn't seem impressed. I notice his eyes flicker over my body.

"Are you cold?"

My face scrunches in confusion. "No, why?"

"Your outfit doesn't exactly provide warmth."

I glance between him and my dress in bewilderment. "What?"

"Never mind," he says with his eyes in front of him. I'm about to question him further but the car stops and I notice we're parked up. He's quick to get out before coming over to my side and helping me out. I shake it off and take his arm into the restaurant where his parents are already seated.

I glance around for Lisa but I don't see her. Kai leads me into the seat next to him, directly across from his parents and I greet them politely, my mind still elsewhere, wanting an answer but not daring to ask the question.

"Your sister has just gone to the bathroom." I lock back into my surrounding, hearing Kai's dad tell him exactly what I wanted to know.

He doesn't say much in response, just nods in acknowledgement and helps himself to a breadstick.

"I'll be back," the words fall out of my mouth before I can even consider them. Kai looks to me with his mouth full. "Order for me?" I don't wait for his response, scraping my chair against the floor as I leave the table in search of the toilets.

It doesn't take me long. Lisa's just about to leave when I walk in.

"Hey," I say a moment after we almost crash into each other. She stares at me in surprise and it's several heartbeats before she opens her mouth.

"Hey."

Silence falls between us. Lisa shifts awkwardly and then I remember I'm blocking her from leaving. I breathe out slowly and deeply, emptying my lungs as I feel my body relax. Instead of stepping to the side, I step toward her.

She steps back, her eyes flickering down my body and then back up to my face.

"Were you looking for me?" She asks, her eyes boring into mine as she waited for an answer.

"No, I--" She tilts her head, still waiting. I pull myself together. "Yes," I admit.

"Why?" I couldn't give her an answer. I didn't have one. I shrug my shoulders and bite my lip. She's close enough for me to catch her smell and I know I'm seconds away from losing the battle I'd been fighting for weeks. I hadn't progressed as well as I'd thought.

Kai's name echoes in my head, but my body doesn't shift. "Lisa," I whisper out her name desperately, not knowing what I wanted from her. Not knowing what I would allow to happen, but my body needed something. It had been craving for weeks. My body needed her.

"You stopped it, Jennie," she reminds me, and she may not hate me, but I could see the indignation embedded in her face. From the way she clenched her jaw to the sparkle that had disappeared from her eyes, I could tell the weeks had made her grow to despise my choice.

"It was the right thing, Lisa," I tell her. I know that and I know she knows that.

"Then why are you here, Jennie?" She steps towards me, her reach over me growing. I step back out of reflex and swallow.

"Kai invited me."

"No. Why are you here, Jennie, right now? Why did you come looking for me?" She takes another step and I feel a hard surface against my back. From a third perspective, it would like she was trying to intimidate me. I felt more fulfilled than I had in weeks. "What do you want from me?"

"Nothing," I breathe out.

"Liar," she spits. "You came here for a reason but then tell me to my face how wrong it is. You need to figure out what you want."

I knew what I wanted. At least, in that moment I did. The long-term effects would be detrimental though, so I say nothing.

She leans closer and my eyes widen but before she can get close enough, I feel something pushing against my back.

I gasp when my senses come back and I realise someone was trying to get in. I turn away from Lisa, pulling the door open and apologising to the lady before walking back to the table. I don't look back, but I hear Lisa steady on my heel.

Nothing much happens for the rest of the night, but I can feel Lisa's eyes on me constantly. I dare to look a few times and she doesn't bother hiding it. I knew I had instigated what had just happened, and I knew she wasn't going to let it go.