my brothers girlfriend

hopeful

SIXTEEN - JENNIE

The empty space in my bed infects the rest of my room with its chill, serving to be a constant painful reminder of the girl who occupied it just twenty minutes ago who seemed to have drained me of all my warmth and taken it with her. 

The bed seems bigger now that I was alone in it with Lisa's smell still lingering on the sheets that we had ruined spending the night and morning between. After shooting Kai a quick message in the morning to tell him I wouldn't be able to speak to him until later, away from Lisa's prying eyes, there was nothing to distract me from the girl that was the biggest distraction to me.

But after Lisa had left just a couple of hours past noon, I had nothing better to do but think about her. At first, I lay in the space she did, inhaling her smell like an addict and smiling like a silly schoolgirl whilst reminiscing the events of the morning. However, it's not long after I start to come down from my high and realise how cold the room has gotten, and that's when my train of thought lingers to the argument we had prior, and what I had promised her I would do. 

I did intend on ending it with Kai. Even if Lisa hadn't made an abundant spectacle over how much I liked her and coerced me into admitting I liked her more than Kai, it was something I would have eventually concluded myself, and with the rate my feelings were progressing, it wouldn't have taken long. 

Kai was nice and sweet and in an alternate reality I would have fallen deeply in love with him and we would have been the perfect couple. It just so happened the reality I was in, Kai had a younger sister who fulfilled something in me that I doubt anyone else would be able to. I had spent only half the time with Lisa that I had spent with Kai, but it had been enough for her to invade my mind like a parasite and intoxicate my body like a class-A drug, all of which may have made me slightly delusional and trumped any opportunity for me to commit to Kai, no matter how boyfriend material he may be. 

And still, despite how Lisa made me feel, I still cared for her brother, and I was aware of how he felt about me. Whilst Lisa did seem to be literally crazy for me, as I was for her, Kai loved me. A pure love that he had been deceived into believing was mutual. 

Lisa may have been his sister, but whichever way I looked at this, I was the bad guy. I was the one dating Kai and I was older than Lisa, and therefore, the one who should know better. I had tried to do the right thing and failed miserably. Now I was stuck with a boyfriend and a girl that was obsessed with me who were connected by familial ties. The truth would shatter this connection and spark a sibling rivalry that I couldn't see being set right, but the lie would make Lisa self-destruct and trigger that rivalry either way. 

It seemed inevitable, just as Lisa said we were. 

So, I would do it. I would. But I was not even close to being prepared to face the aftermath of our sin. I was in no rush to break Kai's heart. I had already deceived him, and the lie was a beautiful illusion to him so I would let him sit with it for a little longer. At least until Lisa put her foot down and told me enough was enough. 

Until then I would come up with a way to end it with Kai as easily as possible. Maybe I could get him to break up with me somehow. 

That would make my life infinitely easier. If he would do my job for me so I wouldn't have to sit with his heartbreak on my conscience because it could barely take the weight it had already been subjected to, and I'm sure one more wrongdoing would be enough to crush it. 

The psychological warfare I had subjected myself to was more likely than not affecting Lisa too. As much as she wanted me to end it with Kai as soon as possible, it wasn't because she wanted to hurt him. And whilst I knew her moral compass was more accurate than mine, I was the one who had to break his heart, not her.