my brothers girlfriend

time apart

SEVEN -JENNIE

There was an unspoken agreement between Lisa and me that we shouldn't speak anymore. It happened on the Wednesday we spent together. I knew beforehand it wasn't a good idea to go. What was happening between Lisa and me was obvious now. There was no more doubt in my mind since I left her room on Saturday night with my heart thumping against my chest and a tingle that spread through my skin.

There was an undeniable, inescapable mutual attraction. And I didn't want to escape it. Not at first. I told myself it was just harmless teasing, but my intentions were clear to me and it had been borderline unfaithfulness.

It didn't stop at texting. Lisa planned a day out for us and it was going just as I had wanted it to go. More playful teasing, shy glances and then touching. Nothing major. Lisa was cheeky and she may have put me in a provocative position but I loved it. Stopping her took more self-control than I was capable of.

That was too much and I knew anything that happened after would be worse, so I stood up. I didn't step away though. I leaned back into her arms, feeling her breath against my neck before her hands were on my waist.

I half expected her to kiss me. I don't know what I would have done if she did. I don't think I would have stopped it. It would have been too far, but my self-control was withering away with each second I was in Lisa's arms.

The lady that interrupted us had been a sign. I'm convinced. She stopped us at just the right moment, promptly reminding me what I was doing and who I was doing it with.

My boyfriend's younger sister.

It made me an awful person when Kai had been nothing but a gentleman to me. He wasn't perfect and he may not arouse me the way Lisa did, but our relationship went deeper than physical attraction.

It still amazed me though, how out of all the people in the world, it would be the sister of the person I'm dating to make me feel in a way I don't think I had ever felt before. And she just happened to feel the same way back.

Although, that may have amplified it. I think it may have been easier to suppress any feelings I had toward Lisa if she didn't reciprocate them. If she wasn't so damn flirty and cheeky. She made me want to give her everything she wanted, especially when I knew what she wanted was me.

After an awkward car ride home, Lisa looked to me once more before getting out of the car. She didn't say anything. She wanted answers from me, but I had already made my mind up, and I think she already knew. But there was a glimmer of hope in her eyes.

"I'm sure I'll see you around, Lisa," I had said and it wiped out any trace of hope.

She gives me a slight smile before walking away without a word. My chest tightened and an overwhelming urge to call her back tugged at me. It faded away slightly once she disappeared from sight.

I drove home feeling empty, getting back to a missed call from Kai and several messages questioning why I hadn't told him I was outside his house. I didn't invite him over, though I know that's what he wanted. I needed some time to digest what happened. To wallow in self-pity and fantasise about what could have happened if everything was different. To scroll through the messages Lisa and I had exchanged before deleting any trace of them.

And then I fall asleep and hope to feel more in love with my boyfriend when I wake up. I hope he would make me feel the same way his sister did. Life would be so much easier.

When morning does come, I think of Lisa. I sob myself dry before showering. I grit my teeth as I open Kai's contact and not hers. I invite him over, telling him I want to spend the day with him, and so he comes.

I let his big frame envelop me. I welcome his warmth and take in his smell before pulling him on top of me and letting him kiss me. I close my eyes when his tongue finds mine and gasp when he grabs my waist.

Pretending he was someone else may also have been crossing the line, but I wasn't ready to let her go just yet.

I think of her every day, but it's weeks before I see her again.