my brothers girlfriend

in too deep

SEVENTEEN - JENNIE

Another three weeks pass, with me playing the role of girlfriend day by day as well as I can whilst constantly trying to ease the mind of the girl the visited me during the nights. Aside from my official relationship, this was probably the biggest reason Lisa and I often felt frustrated with each other. I enjoyed spending time with her more than anything else, but with it being restricted to only nights and confined to the four walls of my bedroom, and occasionally a hotel, it was only a matter of time before one of us blew up at the other. 

We could very easily go out as friends, but I didn't trust myself not to act as a couple with her. I knew myself well, and not being able to hold her hand, lean onto her and kiss her because of the fear it would somehow get back to Kai meant, for now, this was all we had. 

It was also getting increasingly harder to spend time with Kai too. I was never in love with him but with each encounter, I was liking him less and less, and I wasn't getting anywhere with my plan to get him to break up with me.

I stopped initiating affection, making an effort, and dressing up nice, but it was no use. It was hopeless. He didn't care about all of that because he was in love with me, just like how if Lisa had just woken up or thought she wasn't looking her best that day, she would still look beautiful to me.

I had recently come to this realisation. That I had fallen in love with Lisa utterly. I knew it was happening, but still, it had hit me hard, and I still seemed to be falling. Deeper and deeper in love with her, so much to the point I don't think I'll ever be able to pull myself out. Yet, I still hadn't ended it with Kai.

I wasn't proud of it, but I had taken to drinking before seeing him now. Two shots of liqueur made spending time with him easier. It muted any thoughts of Lisa and let me relive any feelings I did have for him with less guilt. Although I felt sick to my stomach after he had left and the alcohol had worn off, it didn't stop me from repeating it the next time. It was another secret I was keeping, this one from Lisa too. 

Having plans with Kai in the next hour, I mix a drink for myself and sip it whilst getting ready, then take a shot just before leaving. Kai picks me up in his car and kisses me sweetly when I get in. 

"Happy Anniversary," he says and my heart almost stops. 

"What?"

He laughs. "It's our five months."

"Oh," I laugh awkwardly. "You know, we don't have to celebrate every month."

"I know, but I think at least acknowledging it is romantic, no? At least until we come up to a year."

Another awkward laugh. I did not plan on being with him that long.

"Fine, just until six months then?"

I smile. "Sure." The least I could give him was this.

A few hours, later, the alcohol has long worn off and I'm thinking of everything I can to distract myself from Kai's sweaty hand pressed against mine. At this point, we're just walking around town, and then Kai finally says something of interest to me. 

"Oh, remember that holiday I told you about?" My bored face lights up. "We've planned it."

"Really? Where? When?"

"Spain. Next month. I'll be gone for a week."

I dial down my excitement before responding. "Spain? Cool. Sounds fun."

"I'm sure it will be." He side glances at me with a twinkle in his eye and a warm smile. "Well, not as much fun without you." I just force a smile. "But I'm sure we'll have many holidays of our own. When I get back, we can plan one."