my brothers girlfriend

jealousy

FOURTEEN - LISA

For the past three weeks, Jennie had been keeping me at arm's length. Far enough so I couldn't reach her, and yet close enough so she could reach me whenever she wanted me. The fact that I was wrapped around her finger was not unknown to me, but that only made it all the more torturous. To have full awareness of the injustice being done to you and yet be too weak to do anything about it but to come running every time she called was mentally exhausting. And physically, because Jennie called for me almost every night. 

Meanwhile, her and Kai's relationship didn't seem to be affected in the slightest. Ignorance really is bliss, I guess. Naturally, I am a possessive person. I don't like to share. What's mine is mine and I wouldn't ever apologise for it. The only problem though, was Jennie wasn't mine. She was his. I was the intruder. The mistress. The villain in my own brother's love story, even if he didn't know it. 

To give Jennie credit, she tried her best to make it seem like he didn't exist. When I was with her, it was just the two of us, her phone not even visible. Unfortunately, though, that wasn't enough to distract me from the truth. 

The painful fact would come crashing down on me all moments of the day; the second I left Jennie's, every time I heard his voice and whenever I was left alone with my own thoughts. Whenever I thought about Jennie, Kai wasn't far behind, and I thought about Jennie a lot. The only time I was safe from the truth was the late hours we would spend in her bed. It's probably why I keep going back. 

I meant it when I told Jennie we were inevitable. The only thing that would stop us from seeing each other was if she wasn't interested, and I knew well enough by then to know she was. And I knew even if she did choose Kai, it wasn't enough for me to back off. It should have been, but it just wasn't. 

And it's hard to remember how wrong what I'm doing is when I was encased with the blissful feeling of falling in love every night. I was falling in love with Jennie, and that love was enough to snuff out any traces of guilt and remorse. As far as I was concerned, Jennie was mine, and Kai was the villain in our love story. 

It probably isn't the best idea to fall in love with someone when you don't know what you mean to them and they are in a relationship with someone else. But then, you don't choose to fall in love, and since Jennie had told me herself that she wasn't in love with Kai I knew instantly that left space for her to fall in love with me. For now, though, I'm sure I was just satiating her physical needs whilst having an affectionate spot for me. But how easily affection can turn into love. I just had to pray she didn't fall in love with him before she did with me. Although the fact that she hadn't fallen in love with him by now was something, it didn't put me in the clear. 

The jealousy that simmered beneath my skin boils over one late Friday evening. After a quiet evening with friends and no more than two drinks, I turn the key in my front door and step into the quiet house. Upon entering, I quickly hear the murmur of voices. Already knowing my parents were out for the evening for some special occasion I hadn't lingered long enough to hear, I assume it was Kai that I was hearing, though I hadn't checked for any cars in the driveway, and after listening for a moment more, I know it was not a male voice he was conversing with. 

I shouldn't go and see for myself. I shouldn't make my presence known. I should quietly creep to my room, lock the door, and wallow in self-pity. Unfortunately, I don't do self-pity. 

I do however tiptoe across the marble floor for the element of surprise. I turn my ear to the open doorway and listen for a second more. What I hear makes me almost vomit in my mouth. 

The door is already open, but that doesn't stop me from slamming it against the wall upon entering the living room, where, after a flurry of quick movements, Jennie sits guiltily with her leg hooked over Kai's lap and Kai bashful with an arm around her.