Unbearable Insanity

Chapter 1: 'Why?'

                                            (Mikey's POV, !!Blood and SH!!)

"No, no, no, no, shit, shit, shiiiiit!" I mumble to myself, my mind is literally, like screaming at me, my heart is racing like the fastest car ever, and my whole body is just cardboard stiff.

My eyes keep darting from the locked door, my bloody arms, and the razors in my hands, 'Ohhhh nooooo, I'm dead! I'm so, so dead!' I keep thinking as I hear Donnie's footsteps getting closer, "Uh, hey, Mikey? You ok in there?" He asks so quietly. "Yeah- I'm- yeah, it's all good in here, bro!" I cannot believe I just LIED to one of my brothers.

As I was looking around my room to hide my arms with, I spotted the sweatshirt I stole from Leo's room and threw it on, "Mikey, pizza's here!" It was Raph's voice that rang this time, "M'kay!" I responded quickly while speed walking out of the room.

My thoughts were at 100 miles an hour, all of them being bad results if they found out about my self-harm and the razors I had in my wallet, Leo decided to break the awkward silence "So, um, Donnie, how's things going in the experiment we're not at all interested in?" Donnie gave him a glance of 'I would slap you, but I don't have the energy to right now' then said "It's going pretty ok actually! You see, I've got all these chemicals-" Raph cut Don's sentence short, "Yeah, yeah, chemicals, shmemicals, what's the plan for patrol tonight, O, fearless one?" "Well, I was just thinking we just do patrol like usual" He said.

After patrol, I stole Donnie's first-aid kit to wrap and clean my arms, but now that I think about it, I kinda don't wanna stop the blood, because isn't cutting just supposed to make you lose blood and stuff? I still treated the cuts anyways. 'I'm such an idiot, I mean, wouldn't they be better off without me?' my brain is one stubborn guy, but sometimes, I believe every single word that pops in there.

Why is there emotions other than happiness that I have to deal with? Why can't I just make my brother's worries and burdens disappear? Why can't I just be happy all the damn time? Why do I wanna run away and get lost or die? Why do I hurt myself when I love my family so much? Why, why, why, Why, WHy, WHY?! WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE ME!? WHY DO I GO THOUGH THIS UTTER BULLSHIT AND NOT TELL THEM?! WHY CAN'T I JUST......Just...Just be normal, for once in my life?

As I was walking to Donnie's lab to return his aid kit, I heard Leo and Raph planning something with him, something about...GOING THROUGH MY BEDROOM?? Oh, no, oh, no, no, no, I can't let them do that, what'll they think of me when they find out I have razors and blood all over my carpet? They'll kick me out, is what! I gotta stop 'em, but how?

                                                                (Donnie's POV)

"Ok, so, tonight when Mikey's dead asleep, we go through his things." Leo stated in a hushed tone, "But why?" I asked. "Because, me and hero boy here have a feeling that Mikey's not really being himself." Raph said a lot louder than Leo's calm and collected voice, "What do you mean by that? He's still our goofy, sunshine and rainbows brother. He's always been like that." I said, but I knew what they meant, I felt Mikey was hiding a darker color in the rainbow he's always been. A secret he is really good at hiding is about himself. He's funny, the jester of our little family, but even the happiest people on Earth still have emotional issues that make them less optimistic in life. So, I guess it wouldn't hurt to just snoop around a tad bit in his room? But I know why at night, because Mikey leaves his door unlocked when its night.

                                                            (Raph's POV)

I still have no idea why we can't just, y'know, bust his door down in the middle of the day to snoop in his room? I only know Leo said at night but, you can see better in the day. Anywho, when we turn Mikey's door handle, it won't budge, Donnie let out a groan of frustration, "What did I tell you about the door lock, he does tend to remember to lock it sometimes," Brainiac had a point though, Mikey did lock his door at night sometimes, he may be lost in the clouds, but he's not all that stupid. Donnie was able to get the door unlocked and we searched and nosed around the kid's room enough to only get he has millions, and I mean MILLIONS, of crayons, pencils, and artsy stuff, I never thought he liked art. We got to his dresser and nosed around some more to find sewing and fashionista workings in there, along with more art. Then, we got to his wallet, it was on top of the dresser, so why not? 

When we got his wallet open, I heard Mikey stir awake. "Mmph, what're you guys doing in my-my room?" He asked, rubbing his eyes. He sounded..upset? Why would he be upset?

(/THATS IT FOR CHAPTER ONE, I RAN OUT OF IDEAS, TuT, BUUUUT, I will try and work on chapter two, bye bye\)