Unbearable Insanity

Chapter 4: Misfortune's Illusion

                                         (Mikey's POV, !attempted suicide/SH!)

I had my hand on the trigger, but why did they stop me? I know that they would be better off without me, so why? "You weren't supposed to see this" I say, why are they so worried about me? "What. The. Fuck were you thinking, dumbass?!" Raph's being loud and yelling, "I.. I honestly don't know, I knew I should've jumped off a tall building instead, the gun would be far too useless.." I ramble on, but they just stare at me with worry and concern. "That's not what he meant, Mikey! He meant what were you thinking to kill yourself." April this time, she's much more quiet. "Well, I thought you guys didn't need me anymore, so I decided that if you were gonna get rid of me, I might as well do it for you" I say, now feeling extremely stupid. "We don't want to get rid of you, Mikey.. We love you and care about you, and even Raph has been extremely worried for you." Leo's turn to speak, now I feel stupid AND guilty. "Why'd you follow me though? I thought I was just fine." I retort, "Because, we wanted to know what you were gonna do, good thing we came, though, you could've killed yourself!" Leo shouts, I hate when he shouts. " Does its look like I care, man?!" I snap then immediately covered my mouth after processing what I just said. "Mikey.. Are you mentally ILL?! You're a fucking idiot, and what do you mean by that?! Would you ever think that everyone has emotions?!" Raph is shouting too, "Last part sounds awful familiar." I mumble, but I don't care whether he heard me or not.

They dragged me back home and put me on house arrest. I can't even go to the fucking bathroom without having to give up any sharp object in there, along with my weapons! They don't trust me with anything anymore.

I can't help but cry at the thought of them not being there to stop me from killing myself, I hate these intrusive thoughts, I can't stop my mind though, more evil trash talk to myself. 'Y'kow they're faking the concern for you, they would not care a single fucking bit if you died.' but I try to think that whatever its saying isn't true, but then I involuntarily let out a loud cry, and then I just sit there and continue to wail like a kid who scraped their knee. Then Raph  busts my door down, he's then followed by the other's who were sleeping. I feel so embarrassed to sit there and cry like a toddler, but the crying felt amazing! I felt like I didn't need to hide it anymore, that I could just sit there and let all this negative energy out, I felt like I don't have to stifle the crying and wailing like newborn, I could unwind.

They sat there a moment, then one by one slowly came over to my loud wailing ass and sobbed with me. But what was weird was Raph was the first one to come and cry next to me.

We all stayed up the rest of the night crying in each others arms.

        (Donnie's POV)

It felt so damn good to cry with each other! I needed that sob, I felt like a kid again, and I want to cry more often like that with my family. I don't know why we all cried, specifically why Mikey cried, but seeing him so upset triggered some sort of pheromonic toxin in all of us and caused a family break-down. 

I ask Mikey why he got upset last night, "I'd rather not talk about it right now.. Specifically here either, everyone can hear me in this part of the lair, I might tell you later though." Mikey responds quickly and heads to the kitchen. "Well, that's weird." Leo says, "What's weird?" I sound so stupid when I say that, in fact, they all look at me like I'm stupid. "Mikey, he tells us everything, and he tells us at the most random times and places." Raph took the words right out of Casey's mouth. "Room search?..." Raph starts again, but I interrupt him, "HELL NO!" I say at him. "Fine, fine! We'll wait for him to tell us at his own time!" Raph says, Leo's laughing his ass off at what I retorted at Raph. Mikey comes back into the living space, "Hey, uh, D'? Can we chat quietly, in my room?" he says at me, "W- Yeah sure." and we go to his room. "I, um, I keep thinking about a few days ago, with the gun incident, and I cried about thinking if you didn't follow me when I steered off, and I started to get real upset 'bout it."he says, he's shy all of a sudden, he barely said that above a whisper. "Well, I mean, who wouldn't be upset at intrusive thoughts like that! It's ok, though, we're always here for you, we actually care about you, never forget that." I said while I was walking over to him and hugging him, he cried on my shoulder while I was embracing him, I cried some too.