Alice by heart one-shots

I can't make you love me

*you guys: oh boy I can't wait to read some nice normal Alice by Heart fanfic!! Me: here's another vent fic. But actually I've been having a rough time guys like this happened and then literally last night I got into a fight with my dad which is definitely exactly how I wanted to spend my Halloween, so this month is another vent fic, but I am hoping to put up something cheerier for December :)*

Alice didn't know why she was making such a big deal out of this. She knew Alfred didn't like her, she knew from the moment he mentioned his crush on Dodgey. Even when his crush on Dodgey started to fade and she began flirting with him she knew. Sure he was bi but he was more interested in guys, and Alice wasn't quite the lovely picturebook that all the other girls were. Still, her foolish heart had longed and loved and she'd flirted, always so intense, always too intense because she knew of no other way to be. Too many times she'd told him how handsome, how attractive he was, always gazing, gazing at him like some lovesick little puppy dog, following him around just to be near him, kissing his hand or his forehead in place of his mouth, his mouth with those lovely soft lips, just once she wanted to kiss and bite at those pretty perfect lips, maybe then she'd be satisfied. She was like a vampire, sucking all the blood from her prey for her own selfish and dirty life, her own damned existence forever stuck in a cruel and uncaring world, a world with people who would never view her as worthy of that kind of a love. She just wanted to hold him, protect him from the world that had hurt him so many times before, she wanted him to have something soft, something good. But how could she think she'd provide him with that good? Did she really understand enough to be his soft light? Was she kind enough to provide him with soft hands to hold him? No, her own fingertips were cracked and peeling, her teeth yellow and sharp, her breath rotting in her mouth. Her words were all venom, spewed towards children who didn't know any better, children who she was supposed to be there for, who she was supposed to read to, to teach the things she'd learned when she was that young. And she spewed that venom to him, talking about how entitled the little brats were, their greedy hands always reaching for more, for things they didn't deserve and she did, they had no right as children to take what she had worked so hard for for four years of her life, and Alfred listened and he agreed, playing into her delusional fantasies, making her think she was some merciful queen for dealing with them, making her feel like she could do anything she wanted too. It was the looking glass, always the looking glass that shattered her with the truth. She was no storybook protagonist. She was only Alice, the too talkative, too enthusiastic, too homely girl who would never be wanted in the way she'd worked for. She'd never have her moment in the spotlight, she'd never find romance, she was too odd for anyone to view her like that. Who would fall in love with someone like her? Someone who was so obsessed with her storybook that she'd shake with excitement at the mention of it, she'd gasp like a child as the words were read and she'd stutter and stumble over words in her joy when she talked about it. How could you ever fall in love with someone like that? Alice sobbed, fat salty tears rolling down her face and slimy gooey snot clogging her nostrils, it was hard not to throw up as she gasped for air, sobbing harder. It wasn't that Alfred didn't love her in the way she loved him, it was that she felt like a fool for even loving him in the first place. Because how could someone so wonderful ever love someone like her?