Am I 'Absolute'?

173: I am older than you

I have always been older than you.
The adults said that they dread
When we hit puberty because we
Would be like those kids on TV
With black leather jackets and smoke between our teeth.
My puberty was different
I wasn't drowning in drugs
I was choking on the dregs
Of mum's life, in her wising, smiling, trying and fighting
That cancer biting and biting and biting.

I was older than you.
You hit puberty and your parents divorced
And I thought
Yes, my dad left a record
Saying he didn't love me anymore
Until I was older and more mature.
And mum is sprinting to death's door.

I was older than you.
When you groaned about our friendships leaving
And I was waking every morning screaming
Because the house was too quiet
And my sisters were teeming
With hatred and preaching
How it was all my fault that our bond stopped being.
And mum oh loving mum when I walk down the stairs
Will I find you still breathing?

I was older than you.
When you went to college
And I was at the hospice.
The clouds were fast
The sky was bright blue
And all my grandparents stopped by
To say it was my fault, forever goodbye.
On the phone dad spoke
And my sisters, they sighed
That I should have laid eyes
On his advice.
Mum, I will hug you everytime I close my eyes
My tiny bones cry
And my lungs are so tired
Each heartbeat whispers it no longer wants to try.
But I have my brother,
my partner and friends
They say wait
The Bible says wait
Mum would say wait
Everyday
Bear the ineffable pain, and strife
Until God brings me to the love of my life

I am older than you.
I am 105,
309,
1000 years

too

old to be alive.