Am I 'Absolute'?

171: Enough.

I can hear it coming this time
Grief. Walking up to me with its knife.
How many times?
HOW MANY TIMES!?
Did you not visit me yesterday?
Was last week not enough?
Was last year not enough?
Was my birthday not enough?
Was Christmas, holiday, your son's birthday not enough?!

What about last night?

All that screaming and crying until my throat was bloody
Was that not bloody enough?
Did the knife not sink deep
Did the agony not seem
Enough?
When will this be done?
Were my tears too few?
You now have more than ample for your massive swimming pool.

How many more times do you need to visit
To believe you have your point across?
Yes, they are gone.
Yes, I feel alone.
Yes, the world struck.
Yes I MISS THEM SO WILL YOU FUCK
Off. Please. Please...

I know every scintillant sound
As you breach my flesh.
I know how many seconds are between each inhale
Just to lose the breath.
I know my own scream.
Grief you must know by now do you not
I get the point.
I know why you visit.
But I want to remember them
Without remembering their loss.

Yes, I know they are gone.
Yes, I know I am lonely.
Yes, I know this sucks.
Yes, I have had enough.
I do not want more
I do not want the wind to sound like their choke
I do not want food to feel like effort
I do not want to hear my heartbeat and their lack of
I do not want lavender to smell like absence!

Please stop.

Grief, I want just one day to not be so tough.
Grief, this broken person has hurt
ENOUGH.