Am I 'Absolute'?

9: Satan

   The last time I saw Satan was three years ago now.
  
   He is the devil who I've made a contract with.

   I don't remember the circumstances of that meeting, because when you make such a contract you quickly learn how to forget unwelcome events... but after a while it can become hard to remember anything.

   I can never break free from this hatred bond.

   ~~~

   But now - slowly - the chains around my throat are slackening, though never breaking, they are slackening as I slowly forgive Satan for all my grievances.

   That is only because of the love I have received from dear Spirit, who taught me three things: The first was through Jesus' compassion that I must feel compassion for you who I hate.

   The second was through someone's dearest lips that forgiveness cannot be forced - it can take moments, or months, or years, or never. But I cannot will it to come no matter how badly I want to forgive you for my own sake. So I must not feel guilty that my true forgiveness is not yet here.

   The third was through the Spirit's voice in my half dream state, carrying three words: "Don't do it." Which I have followed for my every temptation to go back to you every time I missed your sweet sins so dearly.

~~~

   Now the forgiveness is slow but present as I realise the one holding my chains so taut is none other than myself. So I whisper every day. "Satan, I forgive you for hurting me. You hurt me most of anything and everything...

   "but I forgive you."