Am I 'Absolute'?

151: If I could make you fall in love

Sat 6/June/20

I had a dream about you that made me feel desperate
A dream that illuminated how you see me as inadequate
I have been giving everything and more
You twist it into reasons for your civil war
How can I feel okay now
Why do you expect me to let you plough
Through my feelings
All the while you are reeling
In unmitigated hate
Why does it have to already be too late

~~~

If I could make you fall in love: 3/July/20

If I knew how to
I would write in a way
that could share her,
because there is no one else who can
in the way she would
share herself;
her passions,
aspirations,
inspirations,
her.
If only I could write enough pages
to fill a river, the oceans, the planets,
to fill all your memories as though
she read you the words herself.
If I could write well enough,
I would be able to show you
the taste of laughter
with her and how those
recipes she made were
so filled with her
hilarity.
I would share the speed
of her steps across the lines
of a book
with an end
halfway through.
If I were clever enough
I could make the world see
as cacophonically as I
did see her callouses,
her strength.

Maybe if the pencils
were the right shade
I could show you all the colours
she showed me in a single
breath.
Maybe I could make you
smell the lavender mingled with her collar bone
shaking with that laughter,
maybe I could etch her
voice into your ears
and play her singing as though
recorded in every expression-
she wore her beautiful clothes that-
she chose humility over hurting-
others sometimes don't read her paper-
cuts her off suddenly from the rest of-
her story ceased when God
placed the bookmark on her
sentence 'I love' God wrote
deceased.

If I were able to write
just a page more in her handwriting
maybe I would have another-
day stretching along the pages' teeth-
clattering in a way that spreads to-
you hiding with your face behind your story book-
number scrawled hastily with ink
smudged as I hold pages which I can't
read out to you because she couldn't
give the book to you
soon enough.

If only I could write in a way
that would make you
fall in love.