Dark Secret

I Can't 💔

I could hear the steady beeping of the heart monitor, I opened my eyes slightly to see I was in a hospital room. It was already dark outside, the stars shining so bright out distracted me for a mere second while a flow of happiness washed over me.

Raising my right hand, I saw they had put a cast over it. I almost forgot that I had broken it on purpose, all the flashbacks racing through my mind on how I stabbed Bucky and managed to get away.

But there was so much blood.....

I looked to my left to see Steve sleeping blissfully, his arms crossed on the bed as he rest his head ontop of them. A small smile spread across my face as I bit my bottom lip.

Slowly I reached my hand over to comb back his hair, when I did he jolted awake.

"Ava? How are you feeling?"

"I've been better."

Steve smiled as he shook his head, he stood up and placed a warm kiss on my forehead.

"What happened Steve? Last I remember I was in a convenience store bleeding out."

Steve's facial expression changed drastically, what was once warm and comforting turned sad and pained.

"Ava... maybe we should talk about this some other time. When you are stronger."

"Have you forgotten the hell I've been put through?"

Steve looked away as he pressed his lips together and nodded his head. My heart had a sharp pain when I realized my words had hurt him.

"Steve I'm...."

"Don't apologize to me. You don't owe me anything Ava. I know what I put you through and I am sorry I couldn't save you from Bucky."

"Why don't you want to tell me what happened?" I pressed again.

Steve threw his arms up as he laced his fingers together above his head. He was hiding something.

But what?

I pulled the heavy sheets off my body, noticing the baby bump was almost completely gone. All of a sudden a dry lump formed in the back of my throat as I attempted to swallow it down.

"Steve? What happened to the...."

"You bled out, the baby didn't make it." Not once did he look at my direction, but I could see his eyes tearing up.

I didn't know how I should feel about this.

I should be happy, it's what I wanted.

I should be ecstatic, I should be singing from the roof top.

But I felt like crap.

I felt so empty.

"I shouldn't be upset by this, but I guess I am. I feel like even though that monster got you pregnant, the baby was still a part of me. You know? I know I must sound like a complete lunatic for even thinking that way."