Tommyinnit Oneshots

Damaged

Spoiler for DSMP season 1 finale; Alternate Universe

"I am damaged... far too damaged," Tommy said softly, looking down at his scarred hands. He didn't need a mirror to know that his hair was a mess, the white streak a stark contrast with the oily faded blonde. His eyes would have been a dull gray. His clothes would have been torn, muddy, and bloody. He could feel the ache of every scar on his bottom, and his heart was heavy with the guilt for everyone he had ever lost, due to his own mistakes or some unresolved confusion along the way. Tommy hated admitting it out loud, but he was finally speaking the truth he told himself every night.

Tommy turned to his friend with a grim smile on his face, "But you're not beyond repair."

Tubbo also looked a mess. His shirt buttons were in the wrong spot, making one side of his shirt ride up and the other sag down. His pants used to be some color, but now they were gray with ash and brown with mud. His boots were falling apart at the seams. His brown hair was hanging around his guilty green eyes. One side of his face was covered in burn scars that still looked tender even though the accident had been almost two years ago. Tubbo was shivering where he stood.

But appearances didn't mean anything. Tubbo could clean himself up, and he would look like the innocent bee boy with lots of friends that Tommy knew he was. Tommy had messed up every relationship in his life. Nobody trusted him, cared about him, or even liked him. He had no one who would defend him or would try to become his friend again. Tubbo, on the other hand, had retained many of his past relationships. People cared about Tubbo. They would protect him, especially if they learned that Tubbo lost his platonic husband, child, and best friend. Tommy would get the cold shoulder, but people would listen to Tubbo. He wouldn't be alone when Tommy was gone.

"Stick around here. Make things... better," Tommy asked even though he knew it was nearly impossible. The Dream SMP would find peace, but nothing would ever be good. Tubbo could try his entire life, and he would never cure everyone's trauma. He would never be able to fully heal from his own trauma. But he could take steps to make things better, and that was one clear distinction Tommy wanted to make. Tubbo could help the others become kinder people. He could tell the stories of L'Manberg, Logstedshire, and so many other nations that were destroyed by the people it was made to protect. Tubbo couldn't heal existing trauma, but he might be able to prevent future problems. And who knows? Maybe Tubbo would find happiness with everyone now that Tommy wasn't there to hinder him and hold him back.

"Because you beat me fair and square," Tommy shrugged as he grabbed Tubbo's hand. He shook Tubbo's hand like they were making a deal. He didn't let go even when his arm sagged down. Tubbo had beat Tommy in so many ways. Tubbo was kind, fair, patient, and friendly. He didn't ruin everything he touched, and Tommy was extremely grateful that Tubbo had stuck around. Tubbo weathered Tommy's stormy personality, and Tommy was forever in Tubbo's debt. He didn't deserve a friend like Tubbo. No action he could ever take would make him worthy of Tubbo.

"Please stand back now," Tommy said, looking at the map of the SMP in Tubbo's laboratory. Tubbo pointed at a place close to the prison where he would stand when the nuke would land. Tommy shook his head with a bitter smile. He forcibly pushed Tubbo's hand to the side so he was far away from the prison. "Little further."

Tommy and Tubbo both turned around to stare at the nuke. It was an imposing piece of machinery. It seemed to shine in the dark room, the black metal reflecting back Tommy's watery smile and Tubbo's soft glare. Tommy placed his hand against the cold metal, touching his killer. "Don't know what this thing will do."

Tommy pressed his back against the nuke. A few tears slipped from his eyes as he saw Tubbo's eyes widen. He was finally realizing what Tommy was planning. His eyes darted over to the map, understanding dawning on his face. Tubbo threw a hand over his mouth as Tommy begged, "Hope you miss me. Wish you'd hug me."