Please, don't leave me alone !

Chapter 27 : Bloodless war

From the overly dramatic Xin Jian's point of view :

One of my principles is to never hate anyone.

In truth, this is quite ironic, because I hated my parents.

I didn't have a sad past or anything, only hypersensitivity make me grow into a depressed kid. But the saddest thing in my life was that I hated my parents.

Indeed, who would like spending all of their childhood with people they don't like ?

Their never physically abused me or anything, but even if I try not to, I just hate them.

Of course, please remember that the next things I will tell you will certainly be told in an overly dramatic manner and be completely biased towards me, let's not fool ourselves, that's the same with nearly everyone's memories. (And if you don't recognize it, it it proves that I am right since it means that you are too biased towards yourself to accept it).

I recall that time, my mother forced me to do bicycle with her. I hate sport but since I am an obedient kid, I just complained a few times and came without making a fuss.

In the descent, since it was too narrow, I ran into a pole and fell.

My mother continued going on a ahead while I silently checked if I was hurt. I had a bruise on the knee. Sorry, we have to buy a new jean.

I looked my mother's leaving back and checked if the bicycle was broken, my head empty, like a machine. I did not know the way and did not have my phone on me. If my mother went to far, I would be lost.

It took me at least a minute to arrange everything but my mother was like a kid, very stubborn, and was already mad that I was so slow, so she never turned back.

So I tried to catch up and apologized that I fell when she reproached me to be so far behind.

I didn't say anything but I've always had the habit to complain in my head. So I tried my best to restrain my thoughts and focused on memorizing the way.

Oh, I hate you. I hate you so much.

I remember another time, we were in the car and my mom asked where we wanted to eat.

« It's as you want. » I said.

She insisted that we choose.

« Then, KFC. »

My sister chose the same.

Soon after, my mom was mad because she didn't want to eat KFC but still brought us there, even though we told her that we didn't want to go there anymore.

Sorry to have made a choice, mother.

Others often told me that I am too indecisive, but if making a choice has such consequences, then I don't want to do it.

My mother didn't insult me or anything, oh no, but she always found the words that were the most hurtful to me. When she was angry, she just needed to say truths in a reproachful tone to make me cry. That's why I avoided her, each time I made her mad would leave me a psychological blow. But that's my fault, I was too sensitive...

That time, I had to listen to her threats, oh they seemed insignificant, but these insignificant things were the things I didn't want to happen the most. What could I do if the thing that scared me the most was to go to my psychiatrist because her eyes seemed scary ? I know you will laugh, but fears are often ridiculous, and returning back there made me stress each time I recalled that I had to go back there in September, I even had to make up bullshit so that I wouldn't have to see my psychiatrist every week anymore.