So, Love

Part 16

You weren't sure exactly when you had returned to the lair. Your stomach hurt from all the food you'd been eating lately. Your legs were exhausted and your back was sore from the exertion earlier that morning.

You knew it was Raph's room from the red. You knew he was helping your tired ass get changed. Saying sweet things, planting delicate, chaste kisses here and there, earning your giggles.

You weren't sure how helpful you were getting clothes back on, all you knew was that you wanted to be touching Raph. Curled up in him. When you finally lay down, with Raph beside you, you spun around, tucking your back against him, pulling his arm over you.

Your whole body felt happy. Safe.

You ducked your head into his forearm, inhaled deeply. It had been such a long time.

You felt his lips press to the back of your neck. You shivered, pressing tighter into him as sleep overtook you.

'I love you.'

You blinked, looking around. The beige walls, the dreary brown carpet. The pictures.

You were… home. You felt your chest open up. Looking down you saw butterflies exploding out of you, swarming the rooms. Filling the house.

They converged on one another, forming a shape. A person. You looked at their feet. Blue kitten heels. A calf length flower print dress. Brown cardigan.

'Mom?' The word dragged out of you like a prayer.

'I love you.' She repeated, arms opened wide.

Eagerly you closed the distance, falling into her. You couldn't help the sobs, squeezing her tighter to you. Slowly her arms wrapped around you. Tight. Tighter. Tighter.

Panic rose in you. She was going to cut you in half with how tight she was squeezing. You tapped her back.

'Mom.' You wheezed. 'Mom, I can't breathe-'

'I love you.' Her head turned to you, her faceless features not wavering. 'But I do not love who you are.'

Tighter. Tighter. You were suffocating.

You shot awake, gasping. Lost, confused.

"Shh." Raph rocked, hand rubbing your back.

Your breath evened out, you turned into his chest, letting him rock and cradle you. Feeling him wipe away the tears you had shed in your sleep.

"You wanna talk about it?" It hurt you how kind he was.

"I-it was just a dream." You remembered the feelings, the events. The pain.

"About?" Raph's arms encased you.

You breathed, eyes burning. "The day I got kicked out." You paused. "Kinda." You looked up at Raph. "Mom said she loved me. But she didn't love who I was." Tears burned in your eyes again. "Dad held the door open for me when they kicked me out." Falling down your face as you nuzzled back into Raph. "They were kind in the way they left me." You frowned, trying to explain. "They gave me hugs, kisses. Money. Stuff." You picked at his skin. "I wish they would have been cruel."

Raph tightened his grip on you. "They were cruel."

You sighed. "I guess."

"No guesses." He growled. "What kinda fucked up people ditch their kid? And on top of it they did all that shit? Why? To feel better about it?"

You sniffled, wiped your nose, chuckled. "Maybe." You sighed. "Sorry I woke you up."

Raph tsked with a grin, "Shut up."