So, Love

Part 18

"What're you thinking of?" Raph sat across from you, keeping his distance.

"I'm thinking…" you lay your head in your arms. "I'm thinking I really don't know you guys."

Raph settled in his chair, waiting for you to continue.

"Like." You looked at him. "You killed people. You're ninjas. You use these…" you struggled with the right wording. "These deadly ass weapons. You live this completely different life." You straightened, spreading your arms wide. "I don't even have a job."

Raph chuckled, looking at Donnie's tech den. "I think Dee's the only one qualified as being employed." He gestured.

You glared at Raph, "I'm serious."

He inhaled, fingers interlacing. "I know." Turned to you. "I know that things have been… hard for you." He offered his hand across the table, closing his fingers around yours when you put your hand in his palm. "And I know we haven't known each other long-"

You felt yourself bristle. "Raph."

But he was steamrolling it all out, looking at your hand in his, "and I can't force you to do anything. But I'd like it if you stayed with us."

The offer hit you like a ton of bricks. You choked on your own spit, coughing.

"You…" Raph half stood. "You okay?"

"Y-yeah." You gasped, tears in your eyes as you recovered. "Raph." You looked at your fingers twined with his. Slowly unraveling, pulling away. You cradled your hand to your chest. "Raph, I'd love to stay here with you."

"But." He clenched his fist.

"But what would I do?" You frowned, shaking your head. "I'm not going to be some super-powered crime fighter. I can't sit around waiting for you all day." You sighed at the look on his face. He was bricking you out. "I think." You bit your lip. "I think I need some time. To get my life straight."

Raph slouched back, hand half curled on the table still. "How?" He scoffed. "Do you have a plan?"

"Yes." You snipped in return. "I've got money for at least a month at Clark's… er," you corrected, seeing how Raph bristled. "It's a hotel." You calmed him. "I want a month to get my shit in order."

"A month?" Raph chewed on his lip. Pulled out a toothpick from his pocket, offered you one.

You gladly accepted. "I'm not gunna say I'll never see you again or anything." You explained. "I'd love to keep seeing you. But I need to establish myself too. I have loose ends-"

"Like what?"

You couldn't tell if he was genuinely curious or not. You shrugged, twirling the toothpick. "Todd, my buddy. For starters. Need to make sure he's okay."

Raoh's eyes narrowed and you held up a hand, knowing exactly what he was going to say.

"Todd and I aren't like that." You tried not to laugh. "He's like the druggie older brother. You're kinda close, but he spends most of the holiday getting stoned or some shit."

Raph's brow rose, arms crossed. "Sure." He snorted, lip curling.

"Anyway," you waved the topic off. "And I…" you inhaled. "I think I want to try and see my parents again."

That made Raph sit up straight. "Don't go alone."

"I won't-" you started to promise when his fist hit the table.

"And don't go with Todd." He spat the name out like it was venom.

You fought to hide your laugh, your sorrow. You liked Raoh being jealous. You were going to miss being so close to a family for the first time in years.

"I promise to text." You offered, rounding the table, wrapping your arms around him, pressing your cheek to his. "And we can do our coffee dates when you're picking up the kids."

His tense body began softening. "Yeah?" He turned his head, kissing you. "You mean it?"

And the heartbreak in his voice, the desperation, made you want to cry.

"Course I mean it, dummy." You tightened your grip around him.

"And after your month is over?" His hand in your hair, pressing you closer.

You shrugged, "Let's just tackle one day at a time." You suggested. "Get through the month first. Then see where we are."

Raoh's eyes closed, he leaned against you. Nodded. "One month." He agreed. "See what happens." When he looked back at you, his Hazel eyes more green than ever, you could see tears. "Not like I could keep you here anyway."

"I could think of worse things." You teased. "Oh. Donnie said if you'd gotten to the soldier-"

"I'd've killed him." Raph answered, matter of fact. No hesitation. Like he was discussing toppings on ice cream.

"Donnie did." Your tone held a bitterness you didn't understand.

Raph shifted, turning to you. Thumb skimming over the bruise on your cheek. "It's better Donnie handled that." Eyes moved to capture yours. "You never would have looked at me the same if I'd done it."

The admission, blunt in its honesty, chilled you. "W-what." It wasn't a question.

Raoh examined your face, eyes dragging over you, searching you. "Maybe a month will be good." He admitted slowly. "Give you time to decide if you can live with what we do or not."

Your heart twisted at his agreement. But you nodded. Pulling away. "C-can I stay here tonight?" You didn't mean to sound weepy, or cry.

But you were tired. You were heartbroken.

"You can stay here for-" Raph cut himself off, turning in the chair, wrapping his arms around you, burying his face in your midsection. "Happy Valentine's Day." His voice was bitter, muffled.

You bent over, kissed his head. "You're my favorite valentine." You whispered.

He growled, standing, dragging you up with him. Startled you grabbed his shoulders, looked down at him.

"What?" You gasped as he moved through the house, arms tight around you. "R-raph, where-?"

He didn't stop till you both were in his room, door slammed behind you. He dumped you on his bed, watching you settle in, confused and intrigued.

Then he knelt at your feet, peeling off your shoes. Hands trailed up your legs, slow and purposeful. Wordlessly he looked at you, and you lifted your hips, allowing him to pull off your pants. Arms rose to let him tug off your shirt.

Clothes landed on the floor beside your shoes. Your breath hitched as he pulled off his mask, dropping it on the pike on the ground. Then his bands of cloth, his belts, his pants. Everything gone until he was completely naked with you.

You felt your heart shatter, holding your arms out to him. You pretended not to see his lip tremble, or the tear that fell down his cheek, as he climbed onto the bed beside you. Dragging you down to lie with him.

Tangled in his body the cold vanished. He held the back of your head, lips pressed to your forehead. You tucked back into him, squeezing your eyes shut.

Your heart ached, throbbing. You stroked your hand over his plastron, fingertips stumbling over the jagged line of scar. You tried to breath, nose burning, lungs on fire. You felt Raph trembling around you.

"I'm going to miss you." You admitted, ignoring the wet of tears in your voice.

Raoh pulled you tighter to him. His lips brushed against you as he spoke.

"Don't leave." His fingers gripped onto you like a lifeline. "Don't leave me."