So, Love

Part 22

"You sure you wanna do this?" Raph looked both ways before pulling forward, taking the corner a little tight.

You sighed, looking out the window, watching houses pass by that weren't familiar anymore. "I dunno." You admitted. "I mean," you continued at his questioning glance. "There's a… lot. Going on." You motioned to your chest. "In here."

"Okay." Raph prodded, slowing at a red light.

"They weren't bad parents." You frowned, trying to explain the duality of missing and hating them. "They loved me. They made sure there were presents at Christmas, food on Thanksgiving. They went out of their way to attend all my school events-" you frowned, looking at your hands, cutting yourself off. "What if I don't recognize them? What if they don't recognize me? It's been ten years." You glanced at Raph. "I've changed so much."

He was silent. The GPS directing him to turn. To merge.

"You know," his answer slow, thoughtful. "You'll always have us." He put a hand on your knee, squeezed reassuringly. "No matter what happens here today," you both looked out the window as the GPS announced your destination was reached. "No matter what happens. You're a part of our family now." He flipped a u-turn, pulling up to the curb.

You felt like the bright yellow house was mocking you.

"Raph." You breathed, anxiety closing in on your chest. "I'm scared."

"Want me to go up there too?" He nodded to the door.

"No." You sighed, unbuckling. "Not yet." 

"I'm here." He nodded, watching you hop out of the truck.

You closed the door. Ran a hand through your hair, yanked down your shirt. And strode up the walkway. Ignoring the shaking of your hands, the rapid pace of your heart.

You climbed the stairs to the front porch, squinting and looking around till you found it. Your sharpie drawing of a horse on the siding. Faded, but still there.

Tears filled your eyes, and you knocked. Took a step back. Heard something clang inside, heard some muffled voices.

You were going to throw up. You could taste your blood.

The curtain moved, you caught it as it fell back in place.

You closed your eyes. In through your nose, out through your mouth. You weren't going to make a scene here. Not now.

The door cranked, knob turned. And opened.

You felt like someone had punched you in the chest. It wasn't them.

"Can I help you?" A young woman with a baby on her hip looked at you cautiously.

"Uh." You stammered, completely thrown off. "I grew up here."

She gave you a look. Bouncing her child. "Oh." It was a short reply.

"Do you, uh." You looked behind you at Raph. "Do you know what happened to the couple who lived here before?"

"Sure." She gave a huff, switching the baby to her other hip. "They were moving into a community. Warmer weather."

"Like…" you rubbed your arm. "Like Florida?"

She shrugged. "I honestly don't know." Her head shook. The baby grabbed at her hair. "They gave us a walk through during the open house. That's all they told us." 

"Ah." Your heart sank to your feet. "I see."

"I'm so sorry." She offered. "You can… look around if you want?"

You peered inside. A man standing just behind her, looking worried. The layout was the same, from what you could see. But it wasn't. It wasn't your home anymore.