So, Love

Part 20

Raph sipped his coffee. You felt him watching you as chugged yours. It felt awkward. You weren't sure what to say, he didn't push the conversation. Part of you wondered if the romance and affection between the two of you was driven by circumstance and trauma.

You closed your eyes. Took another drink. The other night had been long. The cops had really taken their time and you found sleep to be a struggle. Nightmares and anxiety plagued you.

Raph cleared his throat. "So."

You looked at him, toothpick held between your fingers as you took another drink. Wary, on edge.

"What aren't you telling me." His eyes were brilliant in their accusation.

You nearly choked on your coffee. "Ah, jeez!" You swallowed hard, looking at the toes of your boots. "What do you-"

"Cut the shit." Brow raised he leaned against the wall. "I know you well enough. I can see it."

You blinked, your eyes too dry. "You won't get mad?"

Raoh visibly bristled, hands tightened. But still he nodded. "Promise."

"Todd." You breathed his name out in a rush, peeking at Raph for his reaction.

He remained stoic. Expression glued in place.

"He was arrested the other day." You put the toothpick back in your mouth, chewing. "Said some really…" you exhaled shakily. "Some real heavy shit." You looked out at the people passing by. "It's hitting me that I never really knew him." You frowned, "He'd been kinda looking out for me since I ended up here. And he was a stranger that whole time. Was I just that bad of a friend? Was I-"

"You were a kid." Raph interjected, slowly. Watching you. "He probably didn't want to put that on you."

"Yeah." You sighed, falling beside Raph against the wall. "Still."

A shadow covered you. Curious you looked up at Raph, feeling a tingle run down your spine at the way he was glaring, his arm supporting him above your head.

"You can tell me things." His voice low. "You need to tell me things."

"I-" you scoffed, feeling defensive. The emotion faded quickly, you didn't have the strength to put up a front. "I know." Eyes anywhere but on him.

Maybe that chemistry hadn't been so circumstantial after all.

"No." Hand grabbed your chin, forcing you to look at him. "You don't." He leaned in closer. "You could have told me about Todd. I would have been there for you."

"But." You frowned, "you said-"

"I was just being jealous." Raph waved it off, stepping back. "You can hurt my ego if it means you…" he swallowed, looking away. "You know. Need me."

You dropped your coffee, pressing yourself against him, wrapping as much of him in your arms as you could manage. You nuzzled your head against his plastron.

"I'm scared." You admitted.

"Of?" His hand stroked your hair, he put his other arm around you, rocking the both of you gently.

"Everything." You admitted, quietly. "What if my parents are dead? What if I can't get a job? What if-"

"Okay." Raph chuckled softly. "I get it." He was quiet for a moment. "I'm scared too."

You squeezed him. Breathed him in. "What of?"

You heard his heart pick up the pace. "Not being needed." He admitted. "Not being wanted. I used to be so much worse when I was younger-"