Making Dreamland

Nineteen. I Would Die 4 U

Chapter Songs-
Fade Into You- Mallrat
I would die 4 u- Holly humberstone

Avery-

I could tell that Harry was disappointed last night when I kissed him goodnight and headed to one of his guest bedrooms. I would have been very happy to have slept in his bed with him, but the temptation for other things to happen was way too strong.

After his long talk yesterday I just can't do that right now. Hearing he'd just slept with someone right after putting me on a plane back home a few weeks ago was difficult. I appreciate his honesty, but it hurt. It hurt way more than I wanted it to.

I have no claim on him, we aren't in a relationship, we don't even know what this is, but it hurts. I don't want him to know how much it hurt because I know he'd beat himself up over it even more than he already has.

It's weird lying in this bed with the daylight creeping in and knowing he's just a few doors down. He made good on his promise yesterday, he kissed me a ridiculous amount of times. I'm not complaining.

Harry was very open and honest about his past relationships and I was surprised at his admission of only truly being in love once. I think she hurt him, he didn't elaborate, it was just the way he looked when he spoke of her.

He's dated some beautiful women. All of them making me feel very insecure and questioning why he'd even have any interest in me. He doesn't strike me as being the type to be fixated on outward appearances. I think because he's so ridiculously handsome people assume he only has one type, but honestly I think Harry sees inner beauty and he's attracted to that more than anything. He just wants to be seen and understood aside from who he is publicly.

I'm learning that Harry has two sides; the side that's confident and outgoing and hilarious on stage and then there's the quiet, shy and somewhat reserved Harry that I'm beginning to learn exists.

The past two days we've torn down some walls and shown each other parts of ourselves that we keep hidden. He's the first person since Sam that I've allowed to peek behind the curtain and see a little bit more of me and all of my baggage.

I hear a soft knock on the door and I call out for him to come in. He comes in wearing grey joggers and no shirt. For a second I wonder if he's purposely trying to send me to an early grave, but I think he's just so comfortable in his own body that he's oblivious to what this is doing to me.

"Hi" he smiles as he plops down on the mattress at the foot of the bed. I pull myself up to a sitting position to greet him.

"Hi yourself. How did you sleep" I ask.

"Ok I suppose, could have been better though." He says with a cheeky smirk.

"I'll bet." I smile in return.

"Should I put Elise out of her misery? I know we need to head back to Malibu at some point, I'm just not in the mood for any more unnecessary chemistry building exercises." He laughs.

"What are you going to say?" I ask.

"Haven't decided yet. What do you think?" He shrugs his shoulders.

"We don't say anything about us do we? Like whatever is going on between us? We don't mention that do we" I ask.

"No. We shouldn't mention that. I can just tell her we are getting along great and that she's really helped us and we are writing songs together or something and don't feel we need her services any longer?" He looks to me for an answer.

"Can I ask you something Harry?"

"Anything. Go ahead."

"How is this going to go when we are filming the movie? How are we supposed to act?" I ask.