Making Dreamland

Forty Eight. Everything I Wanted

Chapter Song Everything I Wanted by Billie Eilish

Avery

Two months. It's been two months since Harry walked out of a hotel room in Las Vegas. I pushed him away in every way that I could. I've even tried to numb the pain with various pills and coke a few times. It never erases him from my mind completely. I'm in a hotel room in the middle of Kansas a few weeks into the tour I'm doing with Kane Brown and Chayce. I'm proud to say I'm comfortable performing in front of the large crowds now with ease, that's about the only thing that I have to be proud of these days.

I don't know where Harry is. I have no idea what city he's in or what he's up to. I erased him as best as I could. I haven't taken a single phone call or replied to a single text. They became so frequent that I blocked his number altogether. I have no idea if he even still attempts to contact me or if he's in touch with Ace. I suspect that he is, but Harry isn't a topic that Ace and I talk about. Devon is still pushing the narrative between Chayce and I. Each night we sing the duet, we smile at each other, exchange a few flirty glances and that's about it. I'm not interested in anything else despite Chayce pushing for more.

It's going to be a long couple of months remaining on this tour and I'm just ready to get it over with already and to have some time for myself around Christmas. I will need the time to prepare for the media blitz for the movie Harry and I made together. I'm not sure how I'll deal with seeing him again.

Anne tried to call me a few times and as much as I would have loved to have talked to her, I just couldn't. She's Harry's mother and I just didn't feel comfortable about it. I know these are all things that I'll be faced with in a couple of months time, but for now I try to push everything away and I'll deal with it later.

I'm thankful that Ace is on this tour with me. Even though I know I've disappointed him many times already, he stays and he supports me through it all. He keeps Chayce at a distance from me and I'm thankful for that. I decide to sit down and open my email which I've been avoiding for some time now. The little number notification keeps getting bigger and bigger so since I'm bored in the middle of Kansas I decide to make a dent in that number.

I don't even open the ones that are trash, I'm only focused on the ones that are business related or a random personal one I've ignored. As I'm scrolling I see an email that catches my eye. An email from two months ago from Harry. I'm not sure if I want to open this or not, but now is as good a time as any. I open the email and read over each word. It brings back so many memories and feelings from that day, from those days after. Tears immediately spill down my cheeks. He said he was waiting for me. He wanted me to come. I pushed him away. I didn't talk to him. I can only imagine how much he hates me now.

Ace comes in and finds me crying. I hand him my phone and he reads the email.

"Call him Ave." Ace says.

"I can't Ace. It's been so long. Too much time has passed. I can't. I'm sure he hates me."

"He doesn't hate you. I know he doesn't hate you." Ace says as he pulls me in for a hug.

"He's right Ace. The pills are a problem. All of it, it's a problem. It's even worse now. This is the first time I've been able to admit it Ace. Harry was right." I begin to cry again.

"All he wanted was for you to both be your best, so that you could survive this business together. It's a beast Ave. It's hard enough to survive a relationship anyway. Add in both of you being in this business and it's damn near impossible. He wanted you both to be at your best so that your relationship had a fighting chance in all of this." Ace says.

"And I fucked it up. I pushed him away and fucked it up." I say softly.

"Call him." Ace says again.