Don't Leave Me (Behind) || [BokuAka] || ✔️

2

“Keiji, when did you stop calling me Koutarou?”

Akaashi’s heart stopped, and he drew in a sharp breath. He didn't think Bokuto would notice, and definitely not as quickly as he did. To be honest, he wasn't even sure of the answer. One day, he just noticed he was referring to Koutarou as that less and less, and then eventually, calling him Koutarou felt wrong; too intimate. 

“I-”

“Keiji, why are you still here?” He asked, his voice soft. Despite the harshness of the words, the words that would leave a hole in any other couple’s relationship, there was no malice in his question. Bokuto didn't want to hurt him. He would do anything to avoid that, actually. 

“Koutarou, I don't know what you mean.” He said, though it wasn't a question. They both knew it. 

“Keiji, please. Please be honest with me.”

The silence was thick, palpable almost. He didn't want to respond. He could feel the heartbreak rolling off his boyfriend in waves. He didn't want to be the cause of that, but dragging this out would make it hurt more. 

He still did not respond though, so Bokuto took it upon himself to answer in his stead.

“Keiji, I don't know why you're still here. I love you. I love you so much it hurts. But you don't love me anymore, and I know. So please, please, stop pretending you do.”

There was more silence, but Akaashi broke it this time. 

“How did you figure it out?” his voice was barely a whisper, and he didnt want to upset the other boy more, but he needed to know. 

“Well, for one, you stopped calling me Kou. At first, I barely noticed. Just a few accidental mentions of my last name, nothing too common. But then it became normal. You started using my family name more than my given one, and I knew there was something happening.

“And then, you started finding ways out of date nights. I don't remember where, or when, but you got out of a few date nights, and then they became so few and far between I gave up on trying to have them. You always had a reason for not being able to go, but there's only so many times I believe you're working overtime.” He let out a small, somewhat forced giggle, more like a small release of air between his lips. 

“And then, you stopped wanting to be around me in general, Keiji. It’s one thing to not want to kiss me or hold hands with me in public, I do understand that, but you stopped finding subtle ways to touch me at home, too. You used to snuggle up to me, with one hand draped over my stomach, or you’d wrap your legs around mine. Even before we were dating, and definitely before you were out to your family, you would find a way to just constantly be around me, and hugging me or holding me in some way. 

“But, Keiji, you haven’t held my hand in weeks, months even. You haven't kissed me in god knows how long, and even when we are just watching a movie together, you seem to sit as far away from me as you can.” Bokuto’s voice broke, and though he seemed to be on the verge of tears, they never came. His breathing remained consistent, calm, and his big, golden eyes never clouded with tears. 

The silence was loud, and Akaashi’s head dropped, no longer able to maintain eye contact with the boy in front of him. It dragged on for several minutes, Keiji not wanting to admit what he had been in denial about for a long time, and Bokuto wanting to draw out the imminent breakup, procrastinating it for as long as possible. Eventually, the ravenette gave up, sighing and looking directly into the eyes of the white-haired boy. 

“Bokuto, I did love you. I really did. I loved you with my whole heart. It was honestly painful sometimes, when I’d look at you, see you smiling, and I just thought to myself ‘how lucky am I. I get to spend the rest of my life with someone so amazing’.” Tears clouded his vision, and he was scared to blink, knowing it would be the catalyst to his emotional breakdown.