Don't Leave Me (Behind) || [BokuAka] || ✔️

16

Akaashi had bought wine back out with him, as well as a bowl of chips- barbecue flavoured, his favourite. Now the two sat on the lounge, with Akaashi slightly wine drunk, his words slurred slightly, the movie long forgotten in the background as they spoke giddily to the other. 

Bokuto doesn't know what possessed him to ruin the cheery mood, but he had been curious for a while, and the question was steadily chewing away at his brain. 

“Hey, ‘Kaashi, can I ask you something?” At some point during the night, the ravenette had found himself leaning on the bigger boy's shoulder, looking up at the older through thick lashes as a form of acknowledgement. 

“Anything, Koutarou.” Bokuto felt his heart speed up at the use of his first name, but he shoved the euphoria down, took a deep breath, before letting the question he had been wondering all night pass through his lips.

“Why did you sell the house?” Akaashi’s smile fell from his face as he comprehended the question, and his entire body tensed as his gaze broke from the older’s. 

“I wasn't expecting that question.” His voice was small, hard to hear even in the quiet of the house they used to call home, though his slight intoxication was obvious through the slight accent he had picked up in the conversation. Bokuto felt a weight settle on his shoulder, and his breathing quickened as he panicked. 

“Uh, actually you don’t have to answer that question, nevermind, sorry that was really intrusive-” Akaashi cut him off, covering the bottom half of his face with his hand and pursing his lips together in a ‘shh’ motion. 

“It's ok, I just meant that I thought it was obvious.” His face scrunched up as he thought for a second, and Bokuto smiled bittersweetly at the cuteness. 

“Well, it probably is, and I just didn't pick up on it.” His voice was barely above a whisper as he spoke, and his words left Akaashi chuckling, resting his face against the crook in Bokuto’s neck. 

“I sold it because it reminded me of my mistakes.” He said softly, almost sadly, and Bokuto scrunched his eyebrows. 

“What mistakes? You rarely make mistakes.” The younger boy laughed bitterly at that, shaking his head slightly, the smallest of motions since his face was still buried in Bokuto’s neck. 

“No, I let you leave. That was a huge mistake. I should've asked you to stay, I was an idiot.” 

“Hey, no you weren’t. You can't help your feelings. You can't force yourself to still love me if those feelings fade, and I don't fault you for that. Not once have I ever been angry at you, never you.” Bokuto could feel warm wetness on his neck, and he knew Akaashi was crying, though he didn't acknowledge it to the younger boy.

“No, no you don't get it. I still loved you, I never stopped loving you. I still love you. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, Koutarou, and everytime i see you with Yukie, my heart swells to the point it hurts. I couldn't imagine a better person to be her best friend, and I love you so much.”

Bokuto’s heart stopped, and the world seemed to fade around the two of them. Akaashi never stopped loving him?

“B-but, why did you say you weren't in love with me anymore? I… I don't understand…” 

“I was confused, I don't know. I think I grew comfortable in us, and that scared me. I came up with so many different scenarios, excuses, reasons I didn't love you anymore, and then I convinced myself they were real. They weren't. They were never real. I love you so much, Koutarou.” Akaashi was sobbing at this point, having curled his body further into Bokuto’s and clutching at the front of his shirt as tears dripped between them, but the older boy was still in shock. He stared at the soft tufts of dark hair currently being smothered in his shirt, and his heart ached. 

“Keiji, I ran past this house daily. Do you know how much it hurt to see this place up for sale for 3 years? The 3 worst years of my life, all because you were confused?” He wasn't angry. He refused to be angry, this isnt Keiji’s fault, but the worst years of his life were spent because the person he loved was confused of all things. 

“I know, I know I'm so sorry, please don’t go again.” By this point, Akaashi had swung his leg over Bokuto’s lap, fully straddling him as the ravenette removed his head from the crook of the older’s neck, looking him in the eyes. 

The older opened his mouth to say something that could have either been words of consolement, attempts to calm down the younger, or another portrayal of his anger, bitter words and accusations thrown around intending to hurt. But a familiar pair of lips cut him off, shutting off his airways and numbing his face. 

He wanted to melt further into the soft skin, to move his own mouth into the kiss, but Akaashi was drunk. He wasn't thinking properly. So he reluctantly pushed back, breaking the kiss, effectively causing the younger to cry more, shoving his face back into the now damp material of Bokuto’s work shirt. 

“No no no no, I was too late. You don't love me anymore, no.” His voice was muffled through the shirt and his tears, hiccuping slightly at the end of his sentence, either from his drunken state, or the tears that had been freely flowing for a few minutes now. “Please, tell me you still love me, please please please.” He pleaded for several more minutes while Bokuto tried to calm him down, rubbing his back and combing his fingers through his hair. 

“Keiji, I can't do that.” He whispered into the quiet around them, and Akaashi sobbed harder. 

“No, please, is it because it took too long? Please, i'll do anything please.”

“No, no Keiji, it's not because I don’t love you. It’s because you’re really drunk right now, and this isn't a conversation for us to have while you can't think straight.”

“No, no I'm not that drunk, I swear.” He said, his words slurred and his eyes drooped as he clearly struggled to fight off the impending sleep. 

“Yes you are, ‘Kaashi. Let's get you to bed.” The bigger of the two wiggled his way out from underneath the ravenette’s legs, before wrapping his arms around the younger's legs and waist, hoisting him up with a small grunt before making his way to the bedroom they used to share. 

Bokuto placed Akaashi onto the bed gently, noticing the younger was already fast asleep, and he chuckled to himself, a slight rumble from his chest as he pulled the blankets over the younger, up to his chin, before smiling softly. 

“Goodnight, Ji.”

*****

I feel like the quality of my writing has really gone down since I started this fic, which is unfortunate, but I love writing, and I love this story, so I'm going to keep going.

Also, just want to clarify, Bokuto pushed Akaashi away because he was drunk, not for any other reason. He was also angry at the fact he wasted 3 years of his life, not that Akaashi made a mistake. I feel like that wasn't obvious enough, but I'm going to talk about it more next chapter anyway :)

Thank you :)