Don't Leave Me (Behind) || [BokuAka] || ✔️

34

Deep blue eyes lifted from their conjoined palms to meet golden ones, and Bokuto couldn’t help the way his breath snagged at the emotion behind them. Akaashi’s eyes were wet and teary, but not from sadness. There was no sadness behind his eyes. Only longing. He wanted nothing more than to climb onto Bokuto’s lap, press his lips to the older boy’s and admit his feelings. But he needed to hold himself back, because this couldn’t be rushed. It didn’t need to be.

“Keiji…” The voice rang him out of his thoughts, and he focused on the green and brown flecks in the other’s golden eyes. He felt entranced by the colours, the patterns, and he really understood what people meant when they said they could lose themselves in another’s eyes.

“Yeah..?” he whispered, eyes trailing down the other’s face, tracing every freckle flecked over Koutarou’s nose, admiring the long lashes that scraped against his eyelids, down to the small, shallow dimple that rarely appeared on the left side of his cheek. Koutarou moved his eyes down to their hands again, focusing on the small movements made by Akaashi’s thumbs. When there was no response, Keiji tried to continue their conversation.

“The other night you left me a note. It said we needed to talk without the presence of alcohol.” The statement was more of a question than a statement, and Bokuto’s eyes flicked up to Keiji’s, then back down to where their intertwined hands lay on the couch cushions between them, watching as Keiji’s fingers continued to run up and down Bokuto’s own. “I’m not drunk yet. Now would be a great time to have that talk.”

“Keiji, the other night, you were really drunk. So… so I understand if what you said was just a result of the alcohol’s influence.” Akaashi didn’t like the way that sounded, and his heart rate suddenly picked up as his anxiety spiked. “You told me you loved me… That you never stopped loving me, that you were confused.”

Keiji’s heart practically stopped. He didn’t realise he had gotten *that* drunk. He breathed in deeply, releasing one of his hands from its place between Bokuto’s fingers, and he rested against the other’s face. He ran the pads of his finger up and down the older’s cheekbones, feeling the smoothness of the skin beneath his fingertips. He lifted Bokuto’s head up slightly, ducking his head the last bit so they were eye-to-eye once again.

“Does that make you uncomfortable? I can back off, if you’d like.” he said, keeping his voice soft to not disturb the peace that the two of them had created. Bokuto’s eyes widened, and he shook his head slightly against the palm of the younger boy.

“No… No, don’t. I… You meant it?” He asked, and Keiji smiled, subconsciously leaning forward.

“Of course I did, Koutarou. You of all people should know I'm an honest drunk.” he chuckled softly at his own joke, and even Koutarou huffed a small laugh, his breath landing across Keiji’s lips as he smiled. “Koutarou, the day we ended things, I felt so alone. I have never felt so alone before in my life, even now after a divorce. Letting you go was my biggest regret.”

Tears were gathering in the corner of his eyes, and Bokuto lifted his hands to swipe them away before they could fall, his eyes flicking over every corner of the younger’s face, desperate to memorise every small detail.

“Me too. I wish I never left.” He whispered softly to Keiji, who smiled. “That was the worst mistake I ever made. But I couldn't even blame you. I could never blame you.” He whispered the last sentence, smiling softly, before pressing forwards just enough to close the gap.

Keiji had kissed him the other night, but it was different. That was rushed, a plea, begging for the kiss and all its feelings to be returned. This wasn’t like that.

This was slow, sensual, the transfer of feelings between the two. Years of separation, of longing evaporated as their lips met, and Keiji let out a soft sigh into the kiss. Their lips didn’t move, just stayed pressed together as their hands found the other person’s hair. Bokuto found himself running his fingers over Keiji’s curls for a second time that night, wrapping his fingers through the waves and admiring the softness of the strands.

That was one thing that hadn’t changed about Keiji. His hair had always been the softest thing Bokuto had ever touched, often finding himself running his fingers over the scalp of the younger, and this was no exception. If he never felt anything ever again, just the soft locks of the boy in front of him, he wouldn’t complain. Pressed this close to Keiji, he could smell the body wash and shampoo the boy used; the same one he always used. Memories of their time together in high school flooded him, and he couldn’t get enough.

The two pulled apart all too soon, Akaashi wrapping his arms around Koutarou’s shoulders as he adjusted to sit closer, tears running down his face as he found himself in the position he had been wanting for the past three years. He pulled away, looking Bokuto in the eyes and seeing his cheeks wet with the tears held back for ages, and the younger wiped them away with the pads of his fingers.

“I never stopped loving you, Koutarou. Not once. I don’t think that’s possible. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I would be an idiot to ever let you go again. Anyone would be an idiot to let someone like you leave them. You are too good for this world, for me, and I am a selfish man, since I can't- won't- let anyone else have you."