Don't Leave Me (Behind) || [BokuAka] || ✔️

24

“Keiji, I’m depressed.” he whispered, a slight voice crack on the end, and the boy in question felt his heart stop. “Kenma and Kuroo put it together, and we all agreed I needed to take the day off. Sato-san called, asking for an explanation, but he wouldn't take a ‘personal issue’ as a valid reason to call off work, especially since I was meant to be taking Sunday off. He basically told me if i dont drop everything and go into the office, I won't be welcome back.”

The silence from before hung over the pair again, though it wasn't the same awkward atmosphere as previous, but rather one where each stewed within their own brain, thoughts occupying their every motion. 

Akaashi was fuming. He was angry on behalf of the other boy, who was wrongfully fired for reasons he couldn't help, but at the same time, his heart still ached, wanting to pull Bokuto into his arms and promise to be there for him. 

That same part of him also held an extreme amount of guilt. He felt like it was his fault the older had fallen into the depressive state he was in. What if his leaving caused his spiral, or at least worsened it? 

The thought hurt.

“...ji? Keji, are you there? I can’t hear you?” A sniffly voice said through the line, and Akaashi remembered he was still on the phone. 

“Yeah, yeah I'm here. I’ll always be here, ok?” He said softly, urging his longing to show through his voice. He wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around the other, pull him close against his chest and assure him that Keiji would always be there. 

“I-i know.” he sounded unsure, and that broke Keiji’s heart a little bit. He can't blame the owlish older, though. He had left, and having had that happen to himself, Akaashi understands the sheer pain he caused Bokuto 3 years ago. The conversation died down again, the two falling into another slightly awkward silence. 

“Bokuto-san?” The younger of the two broke the tension, finally biting down on his pride. 

“Hmm, is everything ok?” Bokuto asked, and Akaashi chuckled. 

“Yeah, I'm all good. Just… When I called Kenma earlier, there was a lot of yelling. I just wanted to check everything’s ok and all that.” His voice trailed off, suddenly self conscious of the irrelevance of the question. He wouldn’t have asked it any other day, but his anxiety, still at an all time high from earlier, wouldn’t let him relax. 

“Oh. Yeah, it's nothing. The cat was just running around and bumping everything, making a mess, those kinda things.”

“Ooh, I didn't know you guys had a cat.”

“Yeah. Her name is Jelly, and she’s a black and white ragdoll. Hold on, I'll send some photos.” there was the muffled sound of shuffling, then a door, and Bokuto calling out to their cat, and then some of the familiar, deep rumble of his chuckle. 

Akaashi’s heart fluttered at the sound, and he was reminded of the times he would be the cause of the chuckles. Usually the two of them sitting on the couch together, smiles permanently etched onto their faces as they talked. Or sometimes when the two would wake up, light filtering through the door as they joked about their day or the silly dream one of them had. 

The reminiscing filled him with want, and shame, and Akaashi felt his mood rapidly declining against his wishes. 

Then the feeling of the phone buzzing against his cheek broke his attention, and Bokuto started laughing again on the other side. 

“‘Kaashi, i sent you some photos of her! They were really hard to take, because she didn't want to take photos today, so sorry if they're a little blurry.” He was breathing a little heavier by this point, as if he had been running around, and Keiji felt himself smile slightly. 

He switched the phone into loudspeaker, unlocking the device and opening the abundance of photos Bokuto had just sent through. His unasked question from earlier was answered when he saw half the photos the older boy had sent through were blurry, the subject of the photo having run off when she noticed the camera, likely instigating a chase between the two, and causing Bokuto’s out-of-breath-ness. Keiji laughed and shook his head at the screen, continuing to flick through the photos. 

“Bokuto, these aren’t ‘a little blurry’. I can’t make out a single thing in this photo.” He said, still laughing slightly as he heard Bokuto start cackling on the other end of the line. 

“Are you saying you don’t like my photography skills, ‘Kaashi?” sarcasm dripped from his voice. 

“Well, no… But don’t quit your day job.” He chuckled, matching Bokuto’s humorous tone, listening to the dramatic gasp the other let out after hearing that statement. 

“A friend who doesn’t like my photography skills? Well, maybe this friendship won't work.” he huffed, and the ravenette laughed, though his mind was preoccupied. 

Friend. Just a friend?

*****

Akaashi knows that he shouldn’t expect Bokuto to want more from their relationship. He had broken the older’s heart, and he knows it.

But a part of him was still hoping. The way Bokuto had reacted when they met up for the first time again at the park, the way the older had shut down and put his walls up, made the ravenette think he may have had a chance, still. 

He knew Bokuto. And he also knew Bokuto was a ‘forgive and forget’ person. Had he gotten over Akaashi, he would’ve been more open to introducing the boy back into his life. Hell, he probably would have left his shitty job years ago as a way to escape the life he had with Keiji. 

The fact that he was still so insecure, so scared of opening himself back up to the ravenette gave him the idea that perhaps there was still… something there. 

But, the way Bokuto used the word ‘friend’, without an ounce of hesitation or falsity, broke Akaashi’s confidence that he could win back the owlish boy. 

Less than an hour ago, the younger boy was brave, confident, thinking he could love and be loved back by the only person who was there for him. The one who stood by him when his ‘friends’ left, when his parents left, when his  life fell into shambles. 

Now, that confidence had waived, and Akaashi sat, muffling his sobs with his hand so his daughter didn’t grow concerned, aggressively wiping at the tears running down his cheeks, the only thought that rushed through his brain was I’m never enough.

*****

I don't know what to say here haha...
Next is the Birthday party chapter, which I'm super excited about hehe

Thanks :)