Don't Leave Me (Behind) || [BokuAka] || ✔️

3

If there was one thing Kuroo Testurou was expecting to happen to him at 7 o’clock on a friday night, it was definitely not his best buddy knocking on his door, clothes soaking wet and tears streaming down his flushed face. 

He can't explain it, but he knew something happened between his friend and Keiji. 

Tetsurou ushered the boy inside, sitting him down on the small loveseat next to the window, his heart racing as he rushed around and tried to grab everything his friend would need, including pillows, blankets… that's kinda it. Just pillows and blankets. 

Kuroo felt like a madman, running around like crazy as his clearly upset friend stared at him like he was insane. To be honest, he would go insane for the sake of his friends. 

Eventually, Kuroo had set up the little pull out sofa that was their main lounging area, topping it with an abundance of blankets and pillows; possibly too many blankets and pillows. Is it excessive when the mattress can’t be seen due to the sheer amount of blanketing covering the bed?

Bokuto sat on the end of his bed, feet dangling off the side and a faraway look in his eyes, one that screams ‘I’m not ok but I'm good at pretending I am’.

God, Kuroo is so good at reading his best bro. 

The raven haired man walked over to the side of the bed where Bokuto was sitting, flopping down on the thin mattress beside him. They were sitting really close together, so close their legs were touching, and for the first time in several months, Bokuto realised just how much he missed having someone physically close to him.

Akaashi was always there for him mentally, even after he fell out of love with Bo, but being without physical affection for a long time, and then suddenly receiving it from someone you weren't expecting definitely messes with your head. 

The two men sat in silence for several minutes, neither of them daring to make a move, but then Koutarou’s walls broke down. 

The tears started again, slow to begin with, but once the full situation hit him, he was sobbing again, the lights above him highlighting the trails that lined his cheeks. It took everything in him to not curl up right there. 

Bokuto fell in on himself, bringing his arms close to his body, and Kuroo didn't hesitate to throw his arms around the muscular man, holding him close to his cheesy as he rubbed circles onto his back and consoled him, telling him ‘everything will work out’ and ‘i'm always here for you’. 

The two remained that way for a while, Kuroo wrapped around the slightly shorter boy, as he broke down, laying all his emotions out on the table. He was at his most vulnerable state, and Kuroo was there for him as he showed it all. 

Eventually, he had calmed enough to sit up, facing Kuroo as he rubbed at his face, sniffing every now and  again. He probably looked like a child. 

“Are you ready to talk about it?” The rooster-haired man asked, and when Bokuto did not respond right away, he made it a point to tell him that there was no rush. He didn't need to know the story right now. Heck, he didn't need to know at all. It was entirely up to Bokuto to tell him, and if he was never ready to, then that's fine by him. 

But Bokuto did end up responding. 

“Keiji and I are done. We broke up.” He whispered, his lips quivering as reality set in again and he tried his darndest to hold back the tears. “I noticed, about a week ago maybe, that Keiji stopped calling me Koutarou. He was calling my Bokuto, sometimes even Bokuto-san, and rarely Bo. I thought maybe it was just a now and again thing that I hadn't picked up on, and I tried to ignore it, but it just got more and more consistent. And obvious. 

“And then I noticed how little he's been wanting to go on dates recently. I thought ‘maybe he's tired from work’ and he always said we could reschedule it, but we haven't been on a date in 6 months. And he never holds my hand anymore, we haven't kissed in ages, and even just sitting down on the lounge together, he was so far away. It was like we were barely friends. Like, Kenma and I, you know? Friends, but not that close. 

“And so I got home from work and realised. He doesn't love me anymore. He hasn't for a long time. He just doesn't want to break my heart.” There was a brief pause in the conversation, but it was again quickly filled with Bokuto’s rambling. 

“That's why I fell in love with him, you know? I always admired how aware he was of other people's feelings, always doing his best to keep as many people happy as possible and stuff. And that's why he didn't end things earlier. He didn't want me to be unhappy. 

“But him staying with me when he didnt want to was making me unhappy. I love him. I love him so, so much, but watching him live in regret over our relationship was painful. To be honest, I was so desperate to hang on to him that I nearly didn't bring it up at all. I would have been content to just remain forever oblivious, but I knew that I couldn't do that, for him. I love him too much.  

“I don't want to be the reason he's unhappy in life, so I confronted him, asked him when he stopped loving me. If there was anything I was doing wrong, which he denied. And then we decided to call it quits, and I need a place to say.” Bokuto said that entire explanation seemingly without taking a breath, yet he had been breathing evenly the whole time. 

Kuroo was always surprised at Bokuto’s ability to rant. 

“So, how are you feeling?” he asked. Kuroo knows it's a stupid question. God, if someone asked him how he was feeling after a breakup he might just punch them in their face, but it seemed to be the right thing to say to Bo. 

“I want to be angry. I want to be angry that this is how it ended. I mean, we got together when I was 17. 10 years, Kuroo. We wasted 10 years on each other, and i don't know for how long of that he even loved me. I want to be angry, and sad, and jealous that someone else will bring him happiness…

“But I just can’t. I’m not over him, not at all. I don't think i ever will get over him. But I am over the relationship. Afterall, what can I do?”

Bokuto leaned his head against Kuroo’s body, completely drained, emotionally and physically, and Kuroo let him. He let him just collapse, understanding of what he was going through, and if a few tears were shed between them, grieving for the other boy’s heart, neither said anything about it. 

*****

Why did I do this to myself :(