Choices | calum hood & luke hemmings ✔️

five

calum

// 7 days - Writing a letter to Alex //

A week since the doctor has told us you were in a coma and Luke was alright. They were able to stable you 5 days after we found out.

I am able to shower and eat but it's hard when everything reminds you of you guys. It always feels like I can't breathe. I sometimes have to remind myself that I can when I find myself holding my breath.

We were able to see you, and Luke. I don't think I have the words to describe what I saw. It was the most painful thing to see. See that your close friends, who are like family to you, hurt.

Even though with bruises and bandages, you kind of looked peaceful. I think that's the good thing with a coma. You aren't able to feel the pain going through your body. Plus, other people aren't able to see the pain, either.

And no matter how much Luke keeps trying to assure us that he's doing good, we are hesitant at believing him. He's been in bed rest for the week and hasn't seen you yet. As soon as he does, he'll know why we don't believe him.

I didn't even have to strength to go near you. Yeah, you looked peaceful but you seemed fragile as well. I didn't want to risk hurting you even more.

You probably know this but I want to write it anyways. You have a broken leg. Fortunately, it's on your left side so you'll be able to drive around when you want to. Hopefully.

And.. You have a minor injury in your spine. It didn't hit any nerves so you'll be able to walk. It'll need to heal so when it hurts, I don't mind carrying you. Anywhere and anytime.

I have the man upstairs to thank for your luckiness during the crash.

Write what I know about you in the hospital, check. Write about the crash and how I found you.. Um I guess I'll talk about that now.

I don't know what you last saw but I'll tell it from my perspective and kinda less detailed?

The bus was hit from the side and it started to roll as I hear from the bus driver. It felt like nonstop. I told all the guys to hold on. The bus stopped rolling and we made our way out. We got a couple bruises and all. Not that major. Luke looked pretty bad.

He told us that his grip on something slipped, which caused him to tumble around. Makes sense. I guess he couldn't get your luck.

I'm joking, of course.

Help arrived and I noticed something was different. I noticed you weren't there. The bus sparked in flames at the end of the bus so I had to hurry in the bus. It all happened to fast I can't remember most of what happened but time stopped when I saw your shoes.

Thank you for your beautiful green shoes. I saw them at the corner of my eye and you were there. I do remember before the crash that you were sitting in the bottom bunk. So when I found you, the top bunk broke and fell on your back. Yeah it was heavy but I managed to get it off of you. Besides all the blood I had to get you out. The fire was spreading quickly. I got you out and people rushed everyone to the hospital.

You and Luke were rushed in immediate care and the rest of us got some assistance to get bandaged and ice packs.

None of us talked to each other. We just hoped to hear the best. Then after long hours we heard the news. 5 days later we got to see you guys. I think the rest of the story is explained in the beginning of this letter.

I did a lot of thinking whilst waiting in the waiting room. The chair wasn't the most comfortable thing but it was manageable.

As I sat there I thought of how it's all my fault that Luke is hurt and you are in a coma. Before you start shaking your head no, let me explain.

That time when you were in the bottom bunk and I asked you where Luke was, I should've stayed there with you. I shouldn't have left you by yourself. I wished I just stayed there to be able to protect you during the crash.

I shouldn't have left because Luke wouldn't get hurt badly if he had someone to hold on. He could've had one of the girls to protect whilst I protect you.

It's all my fault. One action I made changed the whole future. If you turn out not living.. I'm now going to say it. If you turn out dead instead of waking up, I'm going to blame myself forever. I don't know how I'm going to live with myself. Yeah your shoes were great help but I could've prevented myself trying to find you. I should've just stayed with you.

Now I'm sitting beside your bed. According to the infamous clock, it's 5:18 am. I haven't moved from this spot next to you unless I need to go to the bathroom or get writing supplies. I can't sleep but when I do, I make sure someone is by your side because I won't be able to watch you.

"Hey Calum," I heard Madi whispering in my direction. I turn over the paper and place the pen down. She comes to stand beside me and places a hand on my back.

"You okay?" Gosh that damn question. It's annoying but it lets you know that the other person cares. I look up at her with tears running down my face. I wipe them up quickly with my sleeves.

"Yeah, just writing stuff." I decided to be honest with her. I know she's going through a lot. Everyone is at the moment. She pulls me into a side hug with her standing up and me still sitting on the chair.

"You should get some sleep. I can watch her." Madi tells me and I nod agreeing. I probably look like a zombie.

"I will but I'm going to get water." I say standing up from the chair still trying to dry my face. The only light in here is the moonlight coming from the window and the lamp I turned on. Not forgetting about the machines Alex is hooked up to, which light up the room as well. "Do you want anything?" I turn around when I'm almost at the door. She's sitting down in the seat I sat in a few moments ago. Madi turns to me and she already looks like she's about to cry. "Warm tea or water?"

"Yeah um-" She stumbles with her words. Her eyes are welling up. I grab the door handle ready to get out when she tells me for her to get some privachy. "Warm tea sounds good." Madi gives me a small smile and I nod, not wanting to ruin her moment with Alex.

I give Alex a final look and walk out, quietly shutting the door behind me. I should take my time getting to beverages. Madi needs her time with Alex.

I walk slowly down the white, waxed hallways with my hands in my pockets. Doctors and nurses are coming in and out of rooms. As I make my way to the elevators, I pass by Luke's room. Andy comes out of the room and sees me.

I open my arms and she walks to me. I wrap an arm around her and we walk together to the elevators to go down to the cafeteria.

"How are things holding up in Luke's room?" I ask leaning against the back of the elevator and replacing my hands in my pockets.

"Good," Andy nods and threads her fingers through her hair after mentioning that my bandmate is resting soundly. "Everything alright?" Andy brings up the question when we wait for the things we ordered. Different types of answers go through my head before replying to her.

"Yeah."

\\ //

Last written 6/11/15
I think this is rather a good chapter.
"It'll need to heal so when it hurts, I don't mind carrying you. Anywhere and anytime." <-- fave line right there

Next chapter next week? I think yesss
Btw thanks for 150+ reads!

H <3

*Edited 6/7/18 it's a little weird to edit since I changed lukes condition. He used to be in a coma when I first wrote this but I changed it a bit... I really think that this will better luke and Calum's relationship :)*