Tank: Devil's Rose MC #6

Chapter 4: Octavius West

 I can feel Hazel's gray-green eyes on me as I get situated on my motorcycle.

While I'm used to feeling the pressure of eyes staring at me, there's nothing quite like her staring at me. I slip my lower lip into my mouth to keep myself from smiling at her obviousness. 

Once I start my bike and get comfortable on the seat, I lean back slightly, turning my head to see that her eyes haven't left my form quite yet. I send her a small grin and wave my fingers at her to signal that I'm going to start driving. She waves back at me with a soft smile, my heart speeding up at her gentleness.

For most of my life, kindness was never at the forefront. My parents wanted a successful son, successful (rich successful), and would push me to make sure that would happen. I didn't live in a physically abusive household. No one ever hit me as a child. 

However, the lack of emotional support or just love that didn't exist in my house hurt me the most. I was always an affectionate child, that much I remember. My parents never hugged me or told me they were proud of me. I don't even remember the times they said 'I love you' to me, and I think I've always needed that. 

It has been hard for me to admit my need for voiced affection, but without it, I acted out. My parents never meant to hurt me. They were only doing their best to push me forward, to make sure I didn't make the same mistakes as the, and to live a reality different from theirs. 

But a master's in business from Columbia University didn't help me on that front.

I still ended up letting my life fall apart.

I blink away the tears that gather in my eyes at the memories of a person who no longer exists.

The darkness of the trees flies by in a blur, the last sliver of the day disappearing behind the horizon, the glory of the sun going with it. My bike rumbles beneath me, the headlight showing the lines of the road vanishing behind me. 

I heave a sigh and relax my tense shoulders as we come upon Main Street. Restaurants, the town's movie theater, and the park are lit up by street lights and signs. The laughter of children fills the streets and music from the street artist on the corner floats down even the darkest of alleyways. 

My heart squeezes at the idea that I almost missed out on this part of my life. I almost ruined everything to the point of no return.

Remembering that this is as far as Hazel wanted me to take her, I pull over to the side of the road in front of the warehouse and wave goodnight to her as she passes me in her Subaru. Feeling the need to check in with my brothers, most especially Vegas, I turn off my engine and step into the quiet warehouse to realize only Slasher and Carbon are there. 

I don't think they ever leave. I don't know exactly why, but, rarely, they aren't working. They sleep and eat and do the bare minimum of self-care. Besides that though, they work their asses off to check for threats that may exist. While I am grateful for them, they also need to take a fucking break.

"Evening," I greet them with care.

"Tank, how are you?" Slasher asks with a smile.

"I'm good. Checking in on you guys."

"We're fine," Carbon replies, "Just doing our jobs."

"I can take over if you want."

"No, we can take care of it. You already had enough run-ins for the day."

My eyebrows scrunch, my lips curving downward.

"What the hell are you talking about, Slasher?"

"We heard about the teacher."

"You heard about Hazel? Already? How the fuck-what the?"

"Poison saw part of what happened. He said something about body language too."

I roll my eyes.

Of course, it was Poison. When is it not Poison? He's the most gossipy person that exists. I think he's just established that he's that way since the beginning of his time here. I mean, he has a reputation, and it's not the worst one to exist, so he doesn't fight it. 

And as much as we say that he's the gossiper and that he can't keep his mouth shut, he does when it comes to the things he really does need to keep his mouth shut about. He's not running around and telling everyone Devil's Rose MC secrets, so it's not that big of a deal. 

I think we all like to make fun of him for it because he loves the non-harmful town gossip. And you would think Dakota would try to put a stop to some of it at least, but she urges him on. It's like their love language.

"Poison likes to talk."

"He's kinda right though. I mean, you haven't been with someone in a while."

"Ever, Slasher. He's never had a girlfriend."

"How do you know that?"

"Uh, Tank, you don't hide it well."

I have no idea what he means by that, I swear. Being with a woman has never interested me. Being with anyone hasn't interested me. There's never been someone I've connected with that I would go further with. 

If I'm being honest, I thought I was aromantic for most of my life because I never felt a romantic attraction to anyone. I've felt sexual attraction but not the romantic attraction of wanting to be in a lifelong committed relationship. If that makes any sense. 

So yeah, maybe I've never had a girlfriend and I'm thirty-nine years old, but since I can remember it's been hard for me to find a deep enough connection with a woman to want to be committed to them. 

It sounds like a lonely life and rarely it has been, especially with my brothers getting married and having children, but I don't know anything else, and it's not like I'm suffering because of it. Maybe being in a lifetime relationship isn't going to happen for me. I guess that's okay. 

I wouldn't say no to spending the rest of my life with someone though. It's very confusing and literally changes day-to-day.

And with Hazel, I barely know the woman. We met each other for thirty minutes max. That's not enough time at all to know if you want to be with someone. I mean, I hear the relationship dudes (yes, that's what I call them) that they knew or at least had an inkling about their romantic feelings with their partner the first time they met. 

That's not good enough for me. I need to know the person for the bare minimum of three weeks to even consider being more than friends. And even then, I'm not interested. Hazel's gorgeous and tough and snarky, I'll give her that, but I don't know her. 

Carbon and Slasher can tease me all they want because nothing is happening there. At all. Why would they think such a thing? They don't know me. She doesn't know me.

"Slasher, do you remember when Bear started dating that one girl after having known her for like a day, and Tank got the one look on his face? It was like the look of pure devastation. It was fucking hilarious."

"Or the one time that I had the thing with the one girl from Six Flags after knowing her like two hours."

"He fucking berated you, man."

"That was the best thing ever," Slasher confessed with a grin.

I put my hands up in a surrender position, acknowledging the history I've had with quick romantic relationships.

"I get it alright. You two are awful human beings."

"Yeah, we are," they agree in unison, giving each other a high five before getting back to work.

I need to find Vegas.