I always have shit to be doing,
I should pee and clean my room
Of course add to my productivity tracker right?
I should clean my camera out and chase my goals
Make new friends and "stop being a pussy",
but I can't.
The old Aqsa held her pee in,
she didn't have a fear of kidney failure
This sounds stupid,
this feels stupid
She didn't care about her room,
it was always a mess
She didn't have a productivity tracker,
she did stuff when she wanted to
She didn't need new friends,
her old ones were enough
She was ok with not always being out there,
she knew it's ok not always being the bravest
It's just so tiring,
physically and mentally being like this
Having to manifest to have what I want?
God I haven't even prayed in so long
The old Aqsa wasn't loosing her hair this badly,
maybe its stress or some disease
The old Aqsa didn't have bad headaches,
maybe because I have a ED
The old Aqsa hated herself,
but she had something I so desperately want
And that was hope,
I have all these new things but they don't seem to be worth it anymore. Nothing is.
She is like me,
but I'm nothing like her
