NEVER

4.

aina-ophelia osanai

9:45pm

i stared up at the sky, thinking about what gnarly told me earlier...

"stella can't stop me from making friends...i was just worried about you..."

does gnarly really want to be my friend ? does he actually care about me ? what if he's just lying, he doesn't mean it right ?

oh what am i saying...he has a freaking girlfriend ! of course he doesn't care about me. i need to reevaluate, i always give myself emotionally to boys who show me an ounce of attention.

cut it out aina o...

i looked down at my freshly cut arm and sighed pulling down my hoodie sleeve. 

it's getting dark...

currently, me and mi-na was sitting in the park, it was the only convenient thing to do considering the fact that sage wasn't home again. i'm beginning to grow tired of being in that apartment alone so i had no choice but to come here.

i don't wanna go back home....but what other choice do i have ? i wouldn't dare to explore new york this late and my anxiety is shitty. i'll disperse if i'm in a crowded place for too long.

back home it is....

"come on mi-na, it's cold." i snuggled her deep in my hoodie and made my way towards my building

.｡*♡*｡.

closing the door behind me, i locked it and placed mi-na on the floor.

"where were you ?" jumping harshly, i clutched my chest at the sound of my sister's voice. when did she come in ?

how freaking ironic for her to ask me that...

she's gone literally every single day and she has the nerve to ask me some stupid shit like that...no hi, how you've been, how's fucking school, nothing !

"you don't hear me talking to you aina-ophelia ?" i heard behind me as i made my way towards my room. i'm scared that if i speak i'll say something i shouldn't. "aina !"

"i was out minding my fucking business sage, where the fuck have you been ?!" i softly shouted turning towards her angrily, so much for being soft spoken. i feel like a joke.

"working obviously, who else is gonna pay these fucking bills huh ? not you, so don't fucking question me !"

"if you know deep down you don't give a shit about me, don't question me either !" tightly gripping the side of my door, i started to loudly slam my door before she stopped me.

"wait, your arm...it's bleeding." i looked down at my arm seeing my blood trickling down my wrist. my eyes widen with tears threatening to pour as i frantically wiped it on my pants. "is your arm okay ?"

"oh w-why you do care ?" my vision was cloudy as i looked at my sister who stared at me with saddened eyes.

here we go with the fake love, all it has to take is for something drastic to happen to you then they'll start to care.

"you're not cutting yourself again...right ?" sage asked and i ignored her, proceeding to close my door but stopped when she put her foot in the doorway. "i asked you a question, aina-ophelia. it's important that i know."