NEVER

9.

3 days later...

a sigh escaped my lips as i heard birds tweeting outside my window, today was tuesday and i knew i had to go to school.

yesterday, i stayed in bed because i knew the rumors were going to be seeping through the school...when i think about it, what happened on saturday was very dramatic for me. it's enough to get everyone talking...i'm not sure if i'm ready to face everyone just yet but i know i can't afford to miss anymore days of school, it's already bad enough that i skip.

speaking of school....i haven't gotten around to thank gnarly for what he's done for me....was it because of the party ? ever since then it seemed like he weirdly distanced himself from me. normally, we would look through each other's window and exchange a few words but....for the past 3 days he's been acting as if i was invisible.

honestly, it's hurts...

i kinda thought we were progressing into something more but i guess i thought wrong. this is what i get for having high expectations for someone and involving myself with someone who's in a relationship...it never ends well.

i expected this though, i'm not sure why i'm so surprised. it always happens....why am i letting him effect me this much...

getting up from my bed, i went into my bathroom with mi-na trailing behind me as usual. i stared at my mirror—my dead reflection staring back at me.

i haven't been the happiest person these past few days. i haven't gotten any sleep since the party and i haven't taken my antidepressants since the day my prescription got changed. i've been winging it, now it's taking a toll on me...

this feeling's beginning to be unbearable, i'm getting tired of it.

today....i wanted to be numb.

i did the usual—my morning hygiene and went into my closet to pick what i thought was the most depressing and laziest outfit.

i decided on wearing a black oversized zip up with no shirt or bra. i know, it's a risky thing to go to school in but unfortunately, i didn't have a care in the world at this moment...for my jeans, i wore black and red oversized evisu men's jeans, black air forces. since my hair was still partially straightened, i threw my hood on, added lip gloss, and swung my bookbag on my back.

i walked back into my bathroom and opened my medicine cabinet. grabbing my antidepressants, i debated on whether i should actually take these. fortunately, the debate didn't take long...i decided to take 3 before putting them back.

the feeling instantly hit, i was clouded with blank numbness. normally, i would hate this feeling but right now....it felt good.

on my way to the kitchen, i scooped mi-na in my arms and cuddled her deeply.

as usual, sage wasn't here. even though i say i'm used to it by now, i lied. i'm not...i can never get used to be alone.

i sighed lightly and opened the fridge taking out a cold bottle of voss water.

"okay...." placing mi-na on the floor, i gently rubbed her head giving her light kisses. "i'll be back soon, i love you. please be safe today and don't get lost." a smile found it's way on my face, i'm content that if i didn't have anyone in the world. i have mi-na...just like i had mom.