NEVER

6.

G N A R L Y
thursday

she was the angel with the dragon tattoo
in her presence, our connection's taboo
i'm lost with the feeling that i'll lose
constantly...constantly, leaving me blue
i shouldn't, she's screams i love you till her skin tone is blue
stone deaf yet she don't have a clue
that in my mind, i only see you
through the window, the angel, with the dragon tattoo.

taking a deep pull from the cigarette i was smoking, i reread the small verse i mindlessly jotted down in my notebook.

"you know they talking right ?" bas voiced coming into my room, his attention never leaving his phone.

"who ?" i questioned, unamused. it's always the same shit, it's either groupie bitches wanting to fuck me, niggas fan girling over me and wanting to send me beats, or niggas expressing their hatred for me...how i'm mentally insane and need help, how i'm destructive and dangerous...yadda yadda yadda.

niggas are so quick to judge me...once they see me or hear my music they think they know so much....niggas fail to realize that i do not care...

"the niggas at school....they' talking about the fight yesterday." i ignored his answer and started to ash my cig on the black skull ashtray beside me.

"don't gnarly got a girlfriend, why the fuck is he winking at the new girl ? you think they're fucking ?......honestly, gnarly's a fucking hoe. everytime i turn around it's news about him with a new bitch. i can't stand him..." sighing loudly, i turned around and glared directly at bas causing him to burst out laughing.

this nigga know that i do not give a flying fuck about what these niggas think yet this nigga stay pushing my fucking buttons....one day, imma just beat the shit outta' him.

"bro why are you reading that shit to me ? you tryna' get me upset ?" bas shrugged lightly and plopped down on my bed.

"nigga no, i'm curious about that wink too, i know you're not gonna directly tell me wassup' so i gotta force it out you..." he explained and i tugged at my hair, stealthy looking towards her window seeing that her room was empty...

i've fully accepted the fact that i was attracted to her, have been since i first seen her but my gut didn't want to believe it.

i needed to know what was on her mind-visions of her laying alone in her room drowning in nothing but her tears, sleepless nights reading till the sun comes up replays over and over in my head...

she was me...

there's a reason why i'm so weirdly connected to her...i don't know what that exact reason is but it is a reason...

i tell myself a thousand times that i should not be thinking about her, i shouldn't....she's so pure, innocent, and untouched. i don't want to ruin her....everything i get my hands on, breaks and that's something i've accepted about myself.

hurt people hurt people...

in life, i've been through experiences that taught me that no one isn't guaranteed to stay in your life. don't get comfortable, people are temporary. in result of those experiences, i developed a defensive mechanism that allows me to not get attached to people...