NEVER

20.

"why do you keep saving me ?"

i refuse to look solace in his eyes....i just couldn't. it breaks my heart seeing him this way, for this to be added to the multiple times i held his limp or lifeless body is undoubtedly concerning and i wish i could help him....but i just can't.

it's taking a toll on me....

"i don't wanna be left here all alone bro...." i truthfully voiced, finally looking at him. our eyes landed on each other and i could tell he was still coming down from everything he took.

"fuck...." he hoarsely mumbled, his voice cracking as he buried his head in his arms. "i'm so sorry bro....i keep fuckin' up every single time and i constantly hurt everyone i'm around. why can't i be normal scott ? i just wanna be normal...."

this was the first time in years since i've seen solace cry. when you're so used to a person who's to themselves or someone who's so angry at the world, seeing them in a vulnerable state is scary—to the point where i don't wish this on nobody.

"i know aina hates me bro....she's the only girl that's ever cared so much about me yet i couldn't reciprocate that. i wanna be a better nigga for her but how can i be that when i'm not enough ?" his eyes were filled with tears while he passionately expressed himself.

all this for ao....

solace's in love and you couldn't tell me otherwise—this clearly proves it. i've never seen him act out this much for a girl, it's new and it brings a little hope to me. although, i can't fully understand him and his problems, i know we can temporarily heal him when he gets back in ao's presence.

"a nigga who's open, who's 10 times better than me will come along and take aina away from me and she'll most definitely leave cause' i'm so fucked up....a nigga's so fucked up in the head, why would anyone love someone like me ? not even the person who birthed me loves me, i fuck everything up."

"so, stop saying all this stupid bullshit—"

"naa' bro, i'm telling the truth ! look at me ! i just tried to kill myself and i did not think about anyone. i'm fuckin' selfish, i keep pushing away the only girl i care about cause' i'm only thinking about myself...." taking a seat beside solace, i wrapped my right arm around his neck and gave him a tight hug.

i didn't wanna say anything, it's rare for him to speak his mind, although, this didn't seem like everything's holding in....

"....i'm so in love with aina, scott." yeah, i knew that. "i've never felt this way about anyone before and now i just feel like i fucked it up....i fucked it all up." my eyebrows slightly furrowed as i listened to him. the way he spoke gave me the impression that he was talking about something else....he didn't mean what i think he's meaning.

"what are you talking about bro...." i hesitantly questioned, solace glancing at me with wet eyes.

"....stella came over." my body harshly recoiled in disgust.

this nigga does dum shit but i didn't think he'll do something this low. there's no way you can fucking degrade knowing you have someone who looks like ao. degrading to the same bitch who broke your heart....this is the first time i can't support him.

i should really just beat his ass.

"nigga are you fuckin' stupid ?! you fucked stella ?"

"hell no....i didn't, i will never do no dum shit like that." exhaling deeply, i wiped the imaginary sweat off my forehead. "she came over the other night to console me or some shit like that, i don't know, i was so fuckin' gone and out of my mind that i couldn't remember anything. aina has me so sprung, i couldn't allow myself to fuck stella the way she was heavy on my mind.......my god bro, i fuckin' betrayed her and the fact that niggas are talkin mad shit about her on the gram, yo. i know this is it for me."

chuckles filled our area as i nudged his shoulder.

"you're literally the worst overthinker i know...i'm glad you ain't do shit with stella cause' i was really about to beat your ass." i joked. "your whole perception of ao right now is mad crazy. you know, that girl is literally dying without you. she hasn't ate in a week, she's been crying nonstop, she's even doing and saying some bad shit. she needs you so."

light immediately brightened in his eyes and i felt good inside knowing i got him back. i knew it didn't take much to get him on his toes again....but my concern for him still lingers inside.

i watched as he abruptly stood to his feet, nearly tipping over when he turned to face me.

"let's go bro, where she at right now ?"

"hold on bro you gotta relax, you're still coming down....you'll see her....tomorrow night."

"tomorrow night ? mmcht, nigga stop playing with me." chuckling lightly, i shrugged.

"i'm serious, we gotta make an appearance at this party and i'm inviting her and gisela..."

"you know i haven't seen her in a week, why the fuck would a party be the place we see each other again ?....you know she won't show up, she hates crowds and shit like that." solace pestered.

"she'll come, watch."

"girl you really got a hold on me, so this isn't just puppy love/i been so cold to the ones that love me."
- childish gambino/the weeknd