NEVER

F.7

friday
11:35pm

my room was dark, the only source of light was the scattered vanilla scented candles that filled my peace with a sweet aroma and the moon's light ray that rested directly on me, my book haunted by chuck palahniuk, and mi-na who was moonbathing on my bed beside me.

i was in serenity...the only problem was that sage hasn't been home yet and it currently was 11:35pm...usually i would hear sage around, she'd come home from wherever she's been and disappear in some part of the apartment but i haven't heard anything yet....

i should be worried.

i should but i'm not....i can't worry myself and bring myself back into the darkness...i'm content right now and i wanted to savor this moment. there weren't many days where i felt this way, i'm sorry sage but i need to put myself first.

you'll be okay...

my fingers thumbed through the pages of my book and i progressively made my way through each chapter.

"i...don't understand..." my ear twitched at the sound of that familiar voice that lingered from my opened window.

gnarly's girlfriend...

pushing my curly hair behind the back of my ear, i briefly glanced out my window and into gnarly's bedroom—i couldn't help but to be a little nosey.

his girlfriend stood behind him, hovering over him while he sat at his pc, half of his headphones on his ear the other resting on his temple...

"i love you so much but i don't think you love me anymore..." she said—sadness leaking from her voice. "i know i fucked up in the past and you did also and i'm still here, i'm still about you !....but it's like you suddenly changed...i tell you a thousand times a day that i'll never hurt you again but it just feels like we're stuck in the same spot."

interesting...

"you show them fucking whores you call 'fans' more love than me and i really don't appreciate it...i could easily tell that you're interested in that new bitch also, you don't even look at me the way you look at her. it's so embarrassing, you embarrass me !.......i-i hate that your so emotionless and sad all the fucking time, i try my best in this relationship. i give you my all and all you do is give up on me gnarly, i know i'm to blame but please baby...please love me again....i-i won't ever stop loving you gnarly." by now i could tell she was crying from the way her voice quivered. she poured her heart out all while he showed no remorse.

hearing her plead made me hate her worse. from what i heard, gnarly has every right to feel the way he does. no one should be okay after you've hurt them in the past, it does not work like that.

i almost feel bad for gnarly but for you to string her along and not tell her what's up don't sit right with me...that makes me dislike him....just a little.

"can you please say something to me gnarly..."

"i have nothing to say stella..." he mumbled, his attention focused on the pc in front of him.

"why am i doing this with you ? why do i still love you when you treat me like shit–"

"oh my god bro, don't you sit here and pretend like i'm the fuckin' bad guy. you fucked up first ! you. broke. me. how the fuck you think i felt when i'd tell you that my mind was so fucked and that i needed you here with me and all you'd tell me was that you're fuckin' busy ? you never leave your phone around me....you always use your sick ass grandma as an excuse to why you can never see me, everything i've been through...you've never comforted me and all the times i was locked up, i wished you came and visited me, send me letters, call, anything instead you treated me like shit like i didn't fuckin' exist. now tell me, FUCKIN' TELL ME HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL STELLA ?" gnarly was now facing a tear stained face stella.

the way he poured his heart out almost made me want to cry. i could tell this situation effected him a lot and that stella brung him nothing but pain. if I could, i'd drop everything and run over there and give him the biggest hug ever.

but...

there has to be another reason as to why he hasn't broken up with her yet, from what i've heard and seen that should be enough to let a person go....

at the end of the day, it's none of my business.

i started to get up from my bed but stopped once i heard gnarly's voice again.

"i'm not the bad guy here..." gnarly croaked as he leaned on his desk—head buried in his arms. his left leg repeatedly bounced and instantly, i knew he was upset. stella decided to get up and place her hands on his back but him being upset, he nudged her off.

"i need...to be alone right now. sit in the living room, i'll be down there in a minute." stella listened without saying a word and left him in the room by himself.

i continued walking over to my window and leaned on my windowsill to close it but stopped when gnarly looked over at me. i froze, his facial expression instantly broke me and i did something i never thought i'll do.

i climbed out my window and onto my fire escape and waved for him to come out.

"i wish i could give you a hug gnarly..." i softly spoke once he was on his fire escape. a small snicker left his mouth as he wiped a lose tear that started to trail down his cheek.

"i could use that shit right about now heh..." shaking his head, he looked down and leaned on the cold metal banister. he always made sure that i was okay whenever i wasn't mentally straight, now it's my turn to return the favor.

that's what friends do...right ?

"stay right here with me...i'm gonna get my book and i'll read to you. you're gonna love it."

"it's all over your face, there's someone taking my place. guess that's something that im dealing with now. guess it's nothing that i can do now."
-partynextdoor