Memories We Share

three

The last time I saw my mother and her friends was last Friday. It's Thursday now. Is it weird for me to miss them? It's not like we are actual friends, more so acquaintances. They aren't even real and I miss them. It's embarrassing honestly. I try not to look at my mom's old diary no matter how tempting it is. It feels wrong to invade her privacy but I'm just so curious.

Letting the urges take over I open the drawer of my bedside table pulling the sticker covered diary out and open it to the next entry.

Jan. 21, 1998

My mom couldn't take me to school today so I had to walk, but it was fine because Jungwon and Haerin met me halfway to walk with me. Hanbi also brought me bread. I love bread and she makes the best bread. Hyein tried to steal it, but Danielle held her back. It was funny watching Hyein squirm as Dani held her back. I ended up giving her some though. She's just a baby. Minji hasn't been to school for the last few days. I'm worried about her. I don't have her number to call and ask if she's okay. Next time I see her I'm getting her number I'll make sure of it.

Heesoo

There...she mentioned my name again. I don't understand what's happening? Am I still dreaming? After slapping myself around a while I've decided that I'm definitely awake. So why is my mom writing about me before I was even born? Calm down Minji I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for this. I'm sure my mom just knew someone by the same name. Surely that's it. Yeah that's definitely it because if that's not it what does that mean for me? That I can travel to the past? No that's not possible.

Wait, if I exist in the past, how do I exist in the future? I quite literally took classes back then. My name is on the attendance and they remember me. My brain fucking hurts.

"Minji you didn't go to school today?" My father came into my room in the middle of me reading my mothers diary. "Is that your mom's diary?" His eyes furrowed as he sat on the edge of my bed.

"Yes...is that okay?" My father just nodded with a small smile.

"It's fine she's not here to stop you so I don't see why not." He laughed a little looking over my shoulder to the page I was on. I immediately slammed it shut so he wouldn't see my name written by mom. I don't know, I just feel like that could lead to nothing good.

"Hahaha yeah it's not that interesting anyway, just teenager stuff." I laughed awkwardly hoping he would leave it alone. He laughed as well, leaning away from the diary.

"Your mom was always very secretive with her diaries. I thought she threw them all away. I guess that one got left behind." I just smile and nod. How odd.

"Mom was secretive about everything." My dad scooted over next to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

"Your mom just had a rough life, but she loved you very much." I sigh, closing my eyes leaning against him.

"Is that why she did it? Is that why she took her life?" My father stiffened for a moment, not saying anything. I'm not supposed to bring this up. We aren't supposed to talk about how she died. It makes no sense. She killed herself. Everyone knows she did so why can't we talk about it. It's not a secret.

"Get ready for dinner and afterwards we are going to talk about why you skipped school." He gets up walking right out the door without another word. Great going Minji.

Bzz Bzz

Missed you at school today. Are you feeling okay?

I sighed, setting my phone down. No, I'm not feeling okay. I feel sad? Scared? Happy? I don't know how to explain it. I didn't mean to skip school. I just accidentally slept till noon and didn't feel like attending the rest of the day. Simple as that.