Memories We Share

Twenty seven

May 31, 2023

It's just been about a week since I've been back, but I can't help but think about the people I left behind. I can't stop looking at the photo of the girls and Jungwon that I have on my desk—it's even crazier knowing I'm the one who took that photo. It's nice that Hanni knows about what I've been going through now so I don't have to cope on my own. I told her everything that night I got back. I told her about how I suddenly just went there one day in January. How I met a group of friends that included both mine and her mother. How I met Haerin and how I came to love her, and how we ended things. I just poured it all out to her and we spent the whole night crying together. I missed her so much and I'm glad I'm back because this is where I belong. I belong here not living there in a fantasy world.

I saw my dad for the first time in two months as well. As soon as I went back to my house after spending the night at Hanni's, I basically knocked down his bedroom and door and hugged the life out of him. I cried then too, but I didn't tell him about the time traveling thing. I don't know if he would like to hear how I met mom when she was my age. I did give him mom's diary back though. There is no need for me to continue to look through it and read it. I have nothing left to give or take from them. I'm ready to move on.

"She was very pretty. I get why you fell for her." Hanni hovers over my shoulder running her hand over the picture in my hand. Was.

"She was very pretty, yes." I hope she and Dani reconciled before they died. I don't know if I could bear knowing they died without telling each other their feelings. I want her to be happy for the little bit of time she has left.

"I'm sorry things didn't work out." I quickly turned around in my chair furrowing my eyebrows at the solemn girl in front of me.

"I'm not because I don't know how, but I don't think I would have made it back here if we didn't end things. I don't want to be anywhere else, but here with you." I grab her hands dangling by her sides and bring the smaller close to me. I know now looking at the girl in front of me that I'm meant to be here with her. She's my destiny, I know it. It took heartback and a lot of pain to realize it, but the moment I saw her when I got back I was overcome with emotions that are hard to explain. Love is such a confusing thing and going through all of this It feels like I finally understand it. I thought Haerin was my first love, and in a sense she was, and I still feel deeply for her, but Hanni is my everlasting love. It's crazy how fast things happen and how fast you can realize something.

I haven't told Hanni what I feel yet because I don't want her to think I'm using her or jumping from one relationship to another. I know how that feels and ends up and I don't want her to feel what I felt. So I'm perfectly fine with being her friend for the time being. Until I feel like I'm completely ready to give the perfect girl in front of me my all.

"I'm glad you're back. I was getting kind of scared honestly. I loved getting to know Minji from the past, but I can't live my life without you." I was scared too. I was scared I was going to never see her again. I stand up engulfing the smaller girl into my arms, holding her tight. "Minji please don't leave again. You can't." I heard her sniffle in my neck making a sad smile form on my face. We talked about this the other day, but I guess it's still weighing down the smaller girl.

"I'm not going anywhere, I won't leave you again."

"Okay well thank fucking jesus because that was really scary Minji. I cried so much. I hate crying." I laugh a little as she sniffles and wipes her eyes with my sweater covered shoulder.

"I know I'm sorry." I rub small circles on her back and eventually she let go of me, stepping back some. She looked at me for a second before she opened up her mouth again.