Memories We Share

Five

Yesterday as soon as I got done reading my mothers diary entry I called Hanni apologizing to her. Was she being a little evasive, yes, but she meant well. She just wanted to know that I care which worries me. Does she not think I care about her? I care about her the most in the entire world.

She has been by my side through everything. I don't remember a time where she wasn't in my life and I never want to imagine her out of my life. She plays tough and pretends she doesn't care, but she does a lot. She cares deeply for the people she loves and I guess it's just hard to accept it since I grew up with a mother who wasn't good at sharing her love towards me. It hurts knowing how lively, carefree, and loving she used to be.

I don't want to go back there anymore because each time I go back I get more attached to these girls and my heart breaks everytime I remember they are dead. What kind of evil entity or person or whatever would put me through this? Why do I have to see my mother and her friends all happy and cheerful and young?

"Hanni is here!" My father yelled from somewhere in the house then suddenly my door was flung open and Hanni jumped on bed with a huff.

"Well hello there Hanni Pham." I wiggle my eyebrows at the girl who was groaning and rocking around on my bed.

"You won't believe what my mother put me through this morning! It should be qualified as child labor! She started talking nonsense about it being bread day and made me make bread all morning! I looked up bread day and it's not even today! I swear sometimes she's lost her mind!" Hanni finally stills on my bed starting at the ceiling after her rant. I wonder if she knows about our mothers friends and what happened to them. Maybe I could tell her what I'm going through...no she would just think I'm crazy.

"I would gladly spend all day with your mom making bread! It sounds like heaven to me!" Hanni rolls on her side holding herself up with her elbow and looks at me oddly.

"I have never met a single soul on this earth that loves bread more than you. Like genuinely never. My mother loves making bread for you, talking some shit about how it reminds her of the good days or whatever the hell she means." The smile on my face immediately fell realizing why Mrs. Pham loves me so much and loves making bread for me. It reminds her of when she used to bring bread to my mom and their friends. I felt a pang in my chest. That's so sad.

"I want to see your mom." I want to see if she'll talk to me about them. I just want to know more about them.

"You can come over whenever you want you know she loves you hanging out at our house. Honestly she probably misses you." I laugh climbing onto the bed next to the Vietnamese girl.

"I'll come over soon." I looked down at her lips. Hanni and I have only kissed twice. Once when we were at a party and it was a dare and once when she attacked my lips out of nowhere and immediately ran away. We don't talk about that though it's like an unspoken rule between us. I don't usually have the strong urge to kiss her, but for some reason right now I do.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She said just above a whisper. I looked at her eyes, but her eyes were directed towards my lips. Does she want to as well? I look back down at her lips that were slightly parted. I can feel her small exhales with how close we are right now.

"Sorry." I turned away laying on my back, interrupting the little moment we were having. I always do this. Things start moving in one direction or another and I back out.

"Minji." Hanni's voice sounded so desperate. It crushed me hearing her like this. I'm scared and confused, and I don't want to make it worse.

"Maybe you should leave."

"Minji please don't do this." I sigh, getting up from my bed looking down at the girl who is now sitting completely up looking at me with her sad eyes.