Memories We Share

Haerin's graduation speech

December 1, 2023

I came back three days ago and was met with open arms from both Hanni and Mrs. Pham. Hanni was scared that I would end up disappearing forever so she ended up spending the night and she cried in my arms the entire night. I had no more tears left to cry so I just held her close whispering reassuring words into her ear until she fell asleep.

I spent the next day trying to digest everything I went through and saw. I really tried to figure out the purpose of me saving my mom, why did it have to be me? I understand why she needed to be saved because if she wouldn't have then I wouldn't be here, but why me? Then I remembered what Mrs. Pham said. She said destiny doesn't have any reason and you can't mess with it. So I will choose to believe that. Everything I've been through this year happened for a reason. I don't quite know the reason yet, but I'd like to believe there was one. Then I read Haerin's letter she wrote for her graduation and it was like everything made sense to me.

That led me to where I am today in front of my mother's grave telling her everything I've done this year without her and technically with her. After I read Haerin's letter it hit me. I can't be afraid to love people. I can't be afraid to be sad. At the beginning of the year I was just pretending that my mother wasn't dead. I was indifferent towards it. I didn't care all that much because I didn't really get to know her. But then I was sent back in time and got to see her for who she truly was. My mother was a kind, selfless, loving friend. She cared so much for her friends. I don't even know how she had that much room in her heart to care for that many people as deeply as she did. She was a lover and lost everyone she loved, making her turn out the way she did.

So in the end I'm grateful even though most of the journey was sad. Because there were good times too. I know it may seem like they were out shadowed by the bad times, but the good ones were there and I had a blast during them. I never would have known my mother and been able to appreciate her the way I do now if I never went back. So if I were given the opportunity to do it all over again I would.

"Are you ready?" I look up and see Hanni holding out her hand to me. I smile up at her grabbing her hand letting her pull me up.

"Yeah I'm ready." I wrap my arm around the smaller girl's shoulder holding her close to me as we walk out of the cemetery.

"My mom said we weren't allowed to make out any more in her house because after she caught us last time, she's scared for the rest of her life." I laugh and eventually Hanni laughs with me.

"Will you stop talking about making out in a cemetery? Have some respect." Hanni just laughs even harder as we eventually leave the cemetery completely.

"Well now that we are out do you want to make out at your house?" Should we? I furrowed my eyebrows thinking hard about it.

"Yeah why not?"

-

My name is Kang Haerin and I no longer hate myself. That is a strong way to start off I know. I have spent all my life hating myself and thinking I was weird and stupid and no one liked me. I spent countless nights trying to figure out how to act more normal so I could make friends, or at least get people to stop making fun of me. When I realized I couldn't do that anymore I stopped trying and talking all together with people I didn't know and even to the people I did know. I had friends growing up, a whole group of them that stood by me no matter what. Even if they did think I was a little weird I know they would do anything for me. Especially Dani. Dani is my best friend in the whole wide world. I love you Dani and want to thank you for everything you've ever done for me. Also thank you to my other friends.

Then about a year ago I met a girl named Minji. To put it short, Minji saved and changed my life. In a way she taught me that I had to love myself before I could share my love with others. I know she wasn't doing that intentionally, but she did. Kim Minji is someone I owe my life to because without her I wouldn't be able to stand in front of such a huge group of people giving this speech. I grew to love myself after she left. I grew to become the person I always wanted to be. I know she's not here right now, but I want to thank her as well.

As we all go our separate ways we have to learn to accept ourselves before we can truly achieve what we want. We have to learn to love ourselves. We have to learn to not be afraid to love others. Love people. There is no point in living a life where you don't love.

Thank you and happy graduation

Haerin.

-

Hey sweeties! I know the whole ending of this story is really traumatic and sad, but I really wanted to write a truly beautiful tragic story. I would like to think I accomplished it. I want everyone to remember that these are just characters in a story and in no way reflect true life events. I know it is easy to get wrapped up in a story.

I love you guys

Fern xx