Memories We Share

twenty one

April 24, 1998

I'm an absolute bitch. If you really think about it, I'm actually the worst person to ever exist, well maybe besides Hitler or like mass murderers. Ever since that conversation with Haerin a couple days ago I've realized that I've quite literally just been making up shit in my head. Who am I to get angry at Haerin for hanging out with a friend? Who am I to get angry at Danielle for wanting to be around Haerin? I'm the one that came here and messed things up for them. Sure Dani was mad at me at the beginning but she was never explicitly mean to me. So why would I act that way towards her with absolutely no evidence that their relationship is more than platonic.

Dani has been kind and understanding and not once has tried anything with Haerin since we've been together. I had no right to act that way towards her. I'm just scared. I know we've only been together for a short amount of time—but I feel so deeply for the cat-eyed girl and if she ends things with me I might die. I know that's dramatic and probably not healthy, but it's what I feel. She tells me she doesn't want to be with Dani and wants to be with me, but for some reason there is just something at the back of my brain that just won't let me completely believe her.

As I look at the half-Australian girl sitting across from me in Hanni's basement all I can feel is regret and disappointment at myself. She seemed to notice me looking at her so she turned in my direction tiling her head in confusion.

"Can I speak with you for a minute?" I say before I could think twice about it. It's better to tell her how I'm feeling anyway. I also want to know what she is thinking—how she is doing.

"Yeah sure." She gets up with a small smile leading me to the door of the basement. I look behind me and see everyone looking at us confused. I guess Dani didn't tell anyone about our conversation. As soon as we step foot outside into Hanbi's backyard she looks at me curiously. "What's up?"

"I'm sorry for how I've been treating you lately. Especially the other day. I was rude and you didn't deserve that." Danielle just nodded her head keeping the small smile that tends to stay on her face 24/7.

"It's okay Minji really. You were just upset—I'm not mad." But why? This is so frustrating she should hate me. She should be angry with me.

"You should be. You have never given me any reason to believe you were trying to get Haerin back and that's just what I assumed. You should be livid for what I've done to you. I was awful to you." Dani sighs, grabbing my hand.

"I'm not ever going to try anything with Haerin because it's not what she wants. I would never force her into anything she didn't want. She wants to be with you—she has made that very known not only to me, but everyone around us. You should trust her." I feel so shitty listening to Dani tell me all this. Haerin has always said she wanted to be with me. Why couldn't I just leave it at that.

"You don't like her anymore then?" Dani laughed, removing her hand from mine. Why is she laughing?

"I didn't say that. I said I wouldn't try anything because I know she doesn't want to be with me anymore. I've accepted that, but it doesn't mean I've stopped loving her." I frown at the wavy haired girl. Why is she so considerate? Why am I always the asshole?

"I'm sorry." What more can I say? There isn't much more I can say.

"You don't have to apologize anymore, it's fine. Just stop getting mad when me and Haeirn hang out. I mean most of the time we talk about you anyway." huh?

"You do?" Danielle giggles again showing her bright smile making a small smile form on my face as well.

"Yeah she really likes you Minji—so you better treat her well." She ends the sentence looking at me sternly, but I couldn't take her seriously because she looked so silly doing it.