End Of Me -Matt Sturniolo-

Chapter 25

Matt's pov

She lives two blocks and three streets away, with a dimpled smile she only wore around people she loves and the ocean.

She will be the one standing by the ocean with the sun in her hair, and a smile. Like a love song rising from the sea. For her the ocean is more than a dream, it is a place she needs to find herself. And when she returns to stormy Boston you can see the sun in her eyes, the warm summer wind in her hair, and the taste of infinite salt on her lips exit her system.

She has stained fingertips in what I swear are fragments of my heart. She captured all the light in my life in her hands like a kid catching a firefly. She became the only thing I see. She became the light of my life.

I try to hide my feelings for her but I forget that my eyes speak for me.

Shes taken over my thoughts, I can't get her out of my head. This isn't like things were before.

Everything has changed.

My head wants me to go back to what it was before but my heart is telling me the opposite. My heart is telling me to explore what could be. My gut is just scared.

As of now I agree with my gut the most.

I don't want to ruin things by telling her how I feel. If she doesn't feel the same way I don't know how we will continue as Matt and Scarlett who have been best friends for 12 whole fucking years.

I don't want to be the reason for change. It's not just Scarlett and I who would be effected. She most likely wouldn't come over anymore. My mom would miss her, my brothers would miss her. She wouldn't be as talkative at school or at group hangouts. Eriss and Ash would miss her.

Nothing is the same without her and I can't be the reason she leaves.

Fuck I hate myself.

I pace my room contemplating life and thinking about her.

I know she is out with Eriss right now. I know she probably told her that we kissed. I know Eriss will probably tell Ash, I know that Nick and Chris will eventually find out. I know all this because I know Scar can't keep any information to herself. She definitely told somebody.

I know that keeping this to myself is slowly killing me too. That's something Scar and I have always had in common.

"Fuck it" I tell myself as I shake the thoughts out my head and walk over to Chris' room.

"What do you want bro?" Chris rolls his eyes as I storm in his room.

"I need to talk to you" I sit down on the foot of his bed.

"About?" He sits up.

"Scarlett"

I watch as his eyes grow wide and his jaw slightly falls open.

"I'm listening" He smiles as he folds his hands and places them in his lap.

"I've been thinking a lot and I'm gonna decide to listen to what my heart is telling me do to even though I'm scared shitless of it" I almost whisper.

"Explain?"

"Scarlett and I kissed whe-" I begin but get cut off.

"I know"

"You know? How?" My eyes grow wide in disbelief.

"She told me the morning after" He shrugs

"What the fuck?! I knew she told somebody but I didn't think it would be you? Thats why you sat in the middle seat on the way home isn't it?" I realize.

"Yup" He smirks.

"I hate you"

"Love you too but please continue" He flips his wrist as he waits for what I was going to say.

"We kissed, I got confused, ignored her, we talked things out, we haven't talked about the kiss though because she said we can forget it happened if it made me feel better and I don't know if thats what she wants but thats definitely not what I want. I don't want to ignore this feeling anymore. But I don't want to mess things up and be the reason for our downfall" I take a deep shaky breath.

"What feeling do you not want to ignore?" He asks the question I've been avoiding for what seems like years.

Silence.

I can't bring myself to say it. But I have to say it.

"Do you have feelings for her?"

I nod.

"I need words Matt, a nod means nothing to me" Chris pushes me to say it.

"Fuck, I have feelings for Scarlett" I exhale the truth thats been eating me alive.

"THANK GOD" Chris screams at me.

"Chill the fuck out" I place a hand over his mouth, I don't need Nick coming up here and blabbing to everyone.

"No, I don't think you understand how happy I am right now. I've been waiting for this since 1st grade when I introduced you to her. This is the best moment of my life" Chris smiles one of the biggest smiles I've ever seen.

Dramatic.

"Chris I'm fucking terrified" I mumble which calms him down and makes him realise what is actually going on.

"Listen, I want you to tell her your feelings. Even if you are scared that it's not a good idea, even if you are scared it'll cause problems, even if your scared if will burn your life to the fucking ground. Tell her, see how she feels, and then go from there" Chris tells me.

"I can't do that, I don't want to fuck everything up. I can't lose her" I whisper with a shaky voice.

"Tell her Matt, trust me"

"I'll think about it".

Authors note
Fun times right ?