End Of Me -Matt Sturniolo-

Chapter 38

Matt's POV

I often try to imagine a life without Scarlett present in it and I see something gray, something motionless, a world without time and a place without color.

I could never lose

Not for anything.

I didn't realize until she was gone that nothing else mattered at all. Nothing I stood for was worth more than her. Nothing I valued held any true value at all. Everything I have is worth nothing without her.

Watching her made my heart feel warm and glowy. Like she could stand here and soak up my happiness forever. To me that sounds like heaven.

We sit here on a knitted blanket next to the small pond in the middle of downtown that we know all too well.

I sit staring at her as her eyes fixate on the rays of sun glistening on the water.

People gathered all around the small grassy area, kids playing, couples on walks, people getting pulled around all over the place by their dogs on leashes, people by themselves reading or thinking or taking pictures.

Even in a crowded place I'd only ever look at her.

I know my motives.

I know why I brought her here.

But I can't bring myself to say it.

I'm too afraid of change.

I always will be.

"Hey, are you alright?" She asks me pulling her attention away from the water.

"Yeah I'm alright" I form my lips into a small smile as I watch her facial features soften. "I just feel like I have so much to say to you right now but I have no idea where to start" I shrug.

"Tell me what's on your mind Matt, there is no right or wrong way to start" She tells me.

"Okay" I take a deep breath "I still feel bad about ignoring you for that long. It was as stupid thing for me to do and it was honestly really childish and I'm sorry" I begin.

"You don't have to apologize, I thought we moved on from that already" Her face grows confused again.

"We did but I just had to get that out. Scar honestly I could lose everything but I could never lose you" I pause. "I don't know why I like you the way I do but I guess it's just the vibes you give me, the smile you put on my face, the laughs I get from talking to you, and just the fact that you can make me think about you even when I'm not with you or talking to you in that moment." I faintly speak, tuning out everybody around us.

"Matt" She exhales but I stop her for me to continue.

"Sometimes when you look at me I feel like you see it all. My soul, my heart, when I feel pain. You see how messed up I really am, yet it doesn't drive you away. You understand the parts of me that I don't even understand yet. You are such an important person to me and I just wanna say thank you." I take a deep breath as Scarlett's eyes soften as she takes in my words.

"You're my person Matt. There will never be a day that goes by where I don't think about you. You've provided me with a second family that I honestly spend more time with than my actual family. You always put things on hold when I want to see you or I just need to be around you. You've let me see all the different sides of you, even the bad ones. I will never leave your side because honestly if I tried I think the world would end." She pauses. "Wow I didn't plan to get emotional today" She laughs.

"Me either but I'm glad we are, I feel like this is well overdue" I laugh with her.

Her expression was serious but I liked how it softened slightly when she looked at me. Like the way she looked at me was different from how he looked at everyone else.