Crystal Lightning || (Kakashi Hatake x OC)

I Want You Around - Snoh Aalegra

"Hey, dad?"

"Yeah? What's wrong?"

"Why did mum die?"

"She was sick."

"Were you sad?"

"I was."

"Did you cry when she died?"

"Of course."

"But ninjas don't cry."

"Ninjas don't cry." Sakumo placed his hand on his son's head, "But I wasn't a ninja when she died. I was her husband. I wasn't wearing my uniform. It's different, son. I am a shinobi of the Leaf Village, but I am also her husband, and your father."

"I'm sad too."

"That's okay, you're allowed to be sad."

"I wish I could meet her. What was she like?"

"She loved you very much. You were her everything."

"Do I look like her?"

"Of course." He pointed at the beauty mark on his son's chin, "That's where she likes to kiss you. She has the same mark. You're definitely her son."

Kakashi sulked deeply, his nasal cavity becoming hot as he held back his tears. He was barely four, but he already has a small unfixable void that makes his heart feel heavy. There was no recollection of the stories his father tells him about his mother. He had only seen her in family portraits, and their pictures together can be counted by the fingers on one hand. He pulled his mask up to cover his quivering lips, "Hey, dad? Can I sleep with you tonight?"

"Sure. Is something the matter?"

"No, I just don't want you to get lonely." He lied,

Sakumo chuckled, "Go ahead, I'll lock up."

The boy happily shuffled to his father's bedroom and climbed on the double bed. He settled right in the middle, making space on the right side for his father. With closed eyes, he imagined himself lying in bed with both parents on each side. It must feel nice to have them on his side. He pictured his mother stroking his hair lovingly as he falls asleep, and his father fumbling with his tiny hand. He imagined his mother cooing at him, the way Ari does to Akira. That's how mothers talk to their children, right? He heard the door open and opened his eyes, now present in a large empty master bedroom. His stomach felt queasy, and he swirled to face his mother's side of the bed. He rests his hands under his head, picturing his mother facing him. Maybe they'll have a laugh about having the same beauty mark. Maybe she'll sing him a lullaby until he falls asleep in her arms.

Sakumo's heart sank. He knew his son was missing his mother, and he wished he could do something about it. It was impossible to replace such a woman, both for himself and his son. He never thought that it would have such an impact as his wife died when Kakashi was still a baby. His father's intuition told him that Kakashi lied about not wanting him to be lonely tonight. Then a lightbulb popped above his head. He pulled out a green scarf that used to belong to his wife out of the top drawer. It was neatly folded and untouched since her death. He wrapped it around Kakashi, to make it seem like she was hugging him, and spooned the boy. "You're not alone, my son. You'll always have me." 

Kakashi was visiting his parents, taking his sweet time cleaning their graves up. He reminisced about the time he had with his father and imagined the time he wished he had with his mother. Ari and Kushina were like a mother to him, but they didn't fill the hole in his heart. He sometimes gets jealous when he watches Ari spend time with Akira. It had been years, but he was still aimlessly swimming around the endless pool of grief, blindly navigating for a way out. "You didn't have to say that to me when I'm going to end up alone anyways, dad."