The Peak Of My Existence [T.N]

MINDS

16th March 1996

It's been two months since. Each night I fear falling asleep for what I know to be waiting for me. I wish it would leave.
I cant eat, every time I do I'm nauseous, when looking in the mirror all I see is me, but it's not real me, it's the cold me, the one in my dreams.
Father says I won't be hurt, Remus says not to worry.
Harry fears as I do, Hermione can see right through me, Ronald is trying his best.
He seems fine, as if nothing happened, as if my absence doesn't affect him in the least, as does Blaise. They've begun to disappear occasionally, often with Draco. I worry. I cant even write it, say it to myself, I hope not.
I love him, I sometimes wish I didn't, maybe it wouldn't hurt so much. I took off the ring, the one from him, hoping it would bring some form of closure. It didn't. Now it sits on my bed-table, taunting me.
I don't understand, I've gone months without speaking to him before, but this time it's different, it's difficult. I find myself searching for him, I know I shouldn't, I threw away his opportunity to explain himself yet now I can't help but want to know what he was, and is, thinking. Is he thinking of me? Is he as torn up as I?
I want to go home, I miss my family. I've begun to feel quite comfortable at Grimmauld Place. Once this is over, Father, Remus, Harry and I will have peace, home. Easter is arriving soon, I'm going home then, for two weeks. The order is there, but it might be nice, to be surrounded by so many people who care, who can protect us. But I feel like a burden, Hermione tells me to unload, talk to her. And I do, but I feel like it must be few and far between or I'll be too much, I love Hermione, I hope she knows how much I appreciate her.
I'll tell her, I'll tell them all. Because for all I know ٩

Hermione walked into the dormitory, clearly coming up from breakfast which Vulpecula missed, causing Vulpecula to startle slightly. She closed her leather bound book and placed it under her pillow before standing up off of her bed.

"Hey, Mione?"

"Yeah? What's up?" Hermione's voice was gentle and kind.

"Can we do something today? Go to Hogsmeade?" Vulpecula spoke cautiously.

"Of course, should I ask the boys?" Hermione cheerfully replied.

Vulpecula was overcome with joy at her agreement and follow up offer. "Yeah absolutely."

Hermione smiled at her friend before leaving the room to find Harry and Ron. She was happy to see her friend being excited and even offering to go out, it had been a while since she'd seen her such a way.

*･゜ﾟ･*

"Ronald, you spent all your money in honeydukes how do you plan on buying a butterbeer?" Hermione scolded him as the four Gryffindors walked through the village.

The air was chilled yet not overly cold, a typical March temperature. The sun was free in the sky for the most part, bar a few clouds that occasionally diminished the light's force. Trees had begun to bud and the landscape was becoming greener once again.

"I'll buy you a butterbeer, Ron." Vulpecula offered with a chipper tone.

"Thanks, V, knew I could count on you."

The four laughed their way to the Three Broomsticks. Once inside they found a booth and the boys took a seat while Hermione and Vulpecula went to order.

"Four butterbeers please." Hermione told the bartender before turning to Vulpecula. "You haven't offered to go out in ages, V, what's changed?"