Only love destroys the master| FireGhoulxReader

Chapter 5 - Why Continuing?

You missed a whole week of collage recovering from the drugs. Luckily he only gave you a small dosis. Chantal and her friends didn't checked on you once. They only appeared again when you were well again.

They didn't even texted you. It was like they didn't cared at all and just ignored it.

You have forgiven them and always said that it was your own fault. But at the end it was another bad decision you made in collage.

It was again at the beginning of the week and you just went with Chantal to the post box at the entrance of your house to get all her packages. You went with together and stood absently at your phone.

"Clay, there's something for you too." she pointed into the box. There were two letters in it with your name. You were confused because who would ever send you something.

You opened the letter hoping it was a good joke.

It was an invitation to the funeral...of your brother.

Immediately, thousands of tears landed on the note, while you felt hot and cold all at once and the world started spinning. You collapse on the floor while gasping for air. Chantal knelt next to you and tried to calm you down because she didn't know what was going on. You wanted to get out of here. So you grabbed the letters and run upstairs in your room.

When you looked from where the second letter was, it was like your legs had been pulled away and you slowly slumped down the door.

The sender of the letter was your brother. With shaky hands you opened it and began to read the note.

"I'm sorry Clay,

I remember back in the kitchen. I was tired of living. Our mother made my life a living hell so I wanted it to end. So when you stood in the doorway with your favorite bear in your arms and looked at me with sad eyes, it was like you were threatening me not to do it.
I wanted to protect you from that madwoman before I left. I didn't want you to end up like me, only that little Clay wouldn't come and stop you.
The last time our mother attacked you, it broke my heart to see you like that. Tobias took care of you so sweetly and I hope he will be there for you forever.
Now that you're grown up, out of the house and the lunatic is in jail, you don't need me anymore. So I have fulfilled my only and last task and can now pursue the deed that I wanted to do back then.
I already sold our house, so please take that money and do the stuff I couldn't do.

I'm so sorry. I'm tired of living.
I love you Clay,
Your brother Luis."

You didn't know what to do. You gasped for breath while you couldn't stop crying. Your brother abandoned you like that, your heart was broken in two and you had no one to cry to.

You wanted to scream, but what? You wanted to speak your feelings, but what words? You wanted to run, but where to? You didn't want to believe it, but who would just come and tell you it was fake?

All the pain came together as you wanted to put an end to it. Your brain manipulated your brother as you went into your bath locking for a razor blade. You quickly found it and seconds later was blood running down your arm. Cutting yourself was like relieving all the pain inside your body.

The fog in front of your brain faded as you realized what you have done. „Shit." you cursed, grabbing a towel to stop the bleeding.

You wanted to talk to someone. No it wasn't someone. Tobias. You needed to talk to him. After everything was clean again you pulled out your phone and searched for his contact. But his Name wasn't there.

"Huh? I never deleted his number? Am I stupid now?" you searched your whole phone but you couldn't find the chat between Tobias and you. You called his number but the computer voice only said that the number was not taken. "What is this all about? Do you want me to end up like my fucking brother?" you screamed at your phone and slammed it against the wall so that it broke in two.

More and more you realized that he's gone. But why?

All day you were crying and questioned your entire life. Your eyes were red and swollen, there was again blood running down your arm as you felt guilty again for what you just did. The desire to end your life was there but you just couldn't do it. Something stopped you.

You passed a whole week. And you still didn't want to accept it. You ignored the knocks on the door while the sadness took over your whole body.

Tomorrow is already the funeral and you were still 4 hours drive away. At first you didn't want to go but you wanted to feel him close to you at least one last time before he rots 6 meters underground.

Back in your city were you grow up you stayed at your aunts house. You got the opportunity to see him one last time. Even though you cried all the time, it fixed your heart a bit. Letting him go wasn't that bad then.

Early in the morning of the funeral you were already out of the house and stomped to the house of Tobias. Luckily they live quite xlose together. You rang the doorbell while footsteps came closer.

"What the hell are you- oh... who are you?" an unknown man stood opposite you. "I'm Sven... who are you?" "Doesn't the Forge family live here?" "no... we moved here recently, maybe it was the landlord... is there anything else I can help you with?" "no thanks... sorry for yelling at you... have a nice day."

„Tobias moved away and didn't tell me anything... erased me apparently... so childhood is all fake... and I thought this Chantal was fake... I guess I was wrong..." you said to yourself. With every breath you got more frustrated wanting to never have known Tobias.

Hate against Tobias started to form in your head as you went into the forest. You were now completely fed up with live.

You didn't realized that you were running straight to a cliff. You looked down as it felt so small to you imagining you lying down there.