Deceptions of the Heart (Prequel for Trials. GxG, 18+)

Chapter 12

I sat on the couch pressed into Liz's arms after a long week of work. I sipped soda out of my beer bottle as we watched TV. Liz finished her beer and tossed the empty bottle onto the floor.

"I want another beer, but I don't want to get up because then you won't be by my side." Liz said, then kissed my forehead.

Liz reached for my beer bottle, and without thinking, I handed it to her. She took a big gulp of it and almost spit it out on the floor.

"What the hell is that? That's not beer!" She growled.

"Its mountain dew."

"So you've been lying to me. You haven't been drinking with me this whole time?"

"No, most of the time I drink with you, but tonight I can't keep up with you. I didn't want you to know though, so I put mountain dew in my bottle." I explained nervously.

"That's fucking bullshit, Aimee. Why not just grab the can rather than fucking lie to me? How do I know you've been drinking at all with me?"

"I have, I swear."

"Fine. From now on, I will get your beers for you. I won't have you lying to me and making me feel like a fucking fool."

"I'm sorry."

"You better not be lying to me about anything else. I swear Aimee, so help me if you are lying to me about anything else. I cannot stand liars. You and I will be done so fast if you lie to me."

I nodded as Liz pushed me off her and got up. She returned with two more beers, then handed me one of them. I slowly took a sip.

"See, you haven't been drinking with me. You can't even handle a small sip of it."

To prove her wrong, I guzzled the whole beer in less than five minutes, then handed her the empty bottle. I repositioned myself and leaned back against her. She leaned down and kissed the top of my head.

"Now that's my girl." She said, settling onto the couch and pulling me tightly to her side.

A few hours later, Liz got up and grabbed a couple more beers for us. She handed me the beer, then handed me two round white pills. She sat down next to me, tossed a couple of pills into her mouth, and took a swig of beer to wash them down.

"Baby what are these?"

"Don't worry about it. Just take them. You'll feel amazing."

I stared down at the pills in my hand. I trusted her and I doubted she would give me anything dangerous. I hesitantly tossed the pills into my mouth, then washed them down with some beer. Several minutes later, I felt floaty and great. I continued to drink the beers that Liz brought in to me. The next thing I knew, I was naked, straddling Liz on the couch, making out with her and slipping my fingers inside of her.

I woke in bed with Liz beside me, sprawled out across the bed and holding me. I was very confused and hazy. I had no idea how I got into the bedroom and what had happened the night before. Shit. I did it again. I thought to myself. I stumbled out of bed to the bathroom. After showering, I went back to the bedroom to find Liz half asleep. She reached her hand out for me.

"Come back to bed, baby girl. It's your day off and I need you." She mumbled.

I did as I was told and got back into the bed. Liz instantly grabbed my hand, leading me to her clit. We fooled around in bed for several hours before we got up and got some food. Liz handed me a beer with my breakfast. I wanted anything but beer. To make Liz happy, though, I started drinking right along with her.

I spent my days off drinking and hanging out with Liz. We went to the club on Friday night to drink and dance. Liz found a woman she really wanted to sleep with and brought her back to the apartment. I was too drunk to care or notice what she was doing until the next morning.

I woke up in the bed alone. I wandered into the living room to find Liz and another woman curled up on the couch. I was heartbroken. I was doing everything I could to be the center of Liz's world, but I wasn't good enough. I felt like I never would be. I went back into the bedroom and buried myself under the blankets. As I laid there, tears trickled down my face. I was her girl, but she wasn't mine, and it killed me inside. I cried myself back to sleep.

Liz came in and pulled me close to her. I opened my eyes and looked into Liz's eyes, then rolled over so my back was to her. She tried to pull me onto my back but I fought her.

"Baby girl? Are you okay?" She asked softly.

A few more tears streamed down my face and onto my pillow. I didn't respond. Liz moved closer to me, and I shifted to be as close to the edge of the bed as I could. Liz slipped her arm under me and pulled me back against her body. The tears poured out as she held me.

"Stop please!" I begged. "Just leave me alone."

"What is going on?"

"I'm never gonna be good enough for you. No matter what I do!"

"What? Baby girl, you are plenty good enough for me. Why do you think you aren't?"

"Because. You are still fucking other women."

"You are my baby girl. I love you, not them."

"That's not the point. I might be yours, but you aren't mine. I don't have your heart like you have mine. I don't think you get how much it hurts me to see you curled up with another woman in the mornings."

Liz sighed. "Its not like that. I told you I struggle to be committed to just one person. I love you and I wish I knew how to be committed to only you... but I don't know how. Hurting you is the last thing I ever wanted to do. I swear."

"I started drinking again to make you happy. I even took those pills to make you happy. But nothing I do is good enough. And I know what we have isn't healthy, but I can't get enough of your love and attention. I always want more. Every time I think things are good, you fuck other women again... Just leave me alone. Please."

Liz kissed my cheek, then climbed off the bed and left the room, closing the door behind her. I let the floodgates open, and the tears poured out of my eyes, forming a puddle on my pillow. Why couldn't I find happiness and true love? I wanted it so badly, but it seemed so hopeless. I'd never have kids, or a true love. It just wasn't in the cards for me. My life would always be miserable and suck like this. I needed to accept it and move on. Now I needed to decide if I wanted to stay with Liz or go back to the streets and being alone.

I drank every chance I got to rid myself of my pain. It was the only time I could deal with my life and the path I was going down. Alcohol numbed every part of me. I needed it to get through every minute of every day. Even work was getting harder to deal with. My work performance was slipping, but I didn't care.

Early in March, I left work and headed to the club. I wasn't surprised to see Liz's car in the lot already. I tried to avoid her, but she found me at the bar, several shots in. She wrapped her arms around me and kissed my cheek. I didn't move. I sat there and let her kiss me. A woman begged Liz to come back to the dance area with her. My heart broke slightly, making me slam the two shots in front of me. I finally had a good buzz going and went into the dance area. I didn't care that I was dancing alone. I danced my heart out and had fun on my own.

A few hours later, I got bored and headed home alone. I glanced around and didn't see Liz. She must have left with her new fuck buddy for the night. I walked into the apartment and dropped onto the couch after grabbing a beer.

My phone rang an hour later. I didn't recognize the number but answered it, anyway.

"Hello?"

"Baby! It's me. I... I got arrested. I am being charged with a DWI. You need to bail me out.

"What did you blow?"

"Um. 0.12. I just need to get out of here and come home to you. Please. Call my mom if you have to, just please get me out of here."

I hung up the phone and considered my options. What should I do? I wanted to help her, but I was tired of getting hurt all the time by her. Now that she needed something, I was good enough. Besides, I had been drinking and I couldn't exactly walk into a police station to get her when I was drunk. I decided to leave her there for the night. I would deal with Liz in the morning.