i often find myself endlessly
running after my own demise,
searching
yearning
for things harmful and toxic.
not, in necessity, in search of
some kind of self-inflicted
destruction
punishment
of this flesh i so openly despise.
i've come to realize, recently,
it resides in a need to shift the
blame
weight
of all the curses i so heatedly offer.
i need something to destroy me
so i can tell myself and others
it's not my fault.
it's not my fault.
i need someone to hurt me, deep,
so i can bite and scream that
it's not my fault.
it's not my fault.
is it my fault?
